Monday, May 23, 2011

Home school marriages?

I haven't blogged for awhile, and even thought about just deleting this account. I believe that most of my readers have given up and gone away by now. I don't blame them. And it's okay by me. Subconsciously, maybe that's what I wanted anyway.

I am not changing plans. My plan has been to keep plugging away at my education, and hoping/praying for my husband's emotional/spiritual healing and growth. I'm not giving up on that. I don't need to be lectured about how rare it is for abusive men to change. I already know that. My husband has already put way more effort into change and growth than the huge majority of abusive men ever begin to invest. And he is continuing to push forward and seek growth and healing. As long as he is putting forth the effort, I am going to be supportive.

I started CNA classes last week. That is the next step in meeting the prerequisites I need for the school I plan to apply to next January. I have really enjoyed it so far; much more pleasant than I thought it would be. There are some really sharp people in class with me. I feared that because a high school diploma is not required, that I might be in class with people of lesser ability. Instead, there are two college graduates, another SAHM returning to the work force, a young immigrant who has already conquered a second language- some really sharp cookies. I am very pleased and actually looking forward to spending the next twelve weeks in their company.

The forums at Fanda Eagles have really been helpful to me. Lots of MKs have emotional "bombs in the brain"; my husband is not alone. Some of them have seen their marriages fall apart. Others have come to recognize the abuse for what it is, are getting treatment for the PTSD and are walking through the healing process as partners. I am grateful for their support and prayers.

On the other hand, I have recently heard about yet another home school marriage failing. Another man has abandoned his (now middle aged) wife and children, just walked on out them all to go and make a better life for himself without all that responsibility. His formerly young, beautiful and accomplished wife is now older, lacking in recent work experience, heartbroken and left with the responsibility of trying to heal the broken hearts of her adolescent and pre-adolescent children.

There are no adequate words to express the cruelty of this scenario.

So I was wondering, anyone else out there know of home school marriages failing? How many home school moms are being abandoned: first emotionally, finally physically?

I know personally of half a dozen over the past five years, and I'm not even very well-connected in home school circles anymore! Plus I can think of just as many marriages in which the men are detached at best (which is a form of abuse in itself) and there is clearly no mutually loving supportive relationship going on between husband and wife.

What is up with that?

Any ideas, anyone?

Does home schooling help, hinder, or have no effect on a marriage?

I can go to No Longer Quivering and find out what happens to women and children when the women leave an abusive home schooling situation; that is if patriarchal religion was a factor in that break-up. But what happens when men walk out on their families? What happens to these women abandoned?

And what happens to these men? Does society favor them? They suddenly have more money, freedom from responsibility to the women they once agreed to support while she home schooled the children, freedom from responsibility to their own children (which in reality had probably been all on mom for some time before they left), and they are still marketable on the romance circuit. Middle-aged women are past their physical prime, going through or nearing menopause, have been focusing all their energy on their children's welfare instead of building a career, and are most likely being slandered as angry bitches for expressing the pain and anger of being betrayed by the person in whom they had put all their trust.

How many home school marriages end this way?

Thursday, May 5, 2011

Finals Coming Up

I would love to post on a couple of subjects, but school beckons. I have a week off next week between semesters and hopefully I can post then. Live loved, SS