tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1802896743878321184.post3781974695425345230..comments2023-08-19T01:00:21.479-07:00Comments on Love. Learning. Liberty.: Timeline to help my readers keep upshadowspringhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15172112981244682382noreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1802896743878321184.post-59421237803761058872010-06-03T14:19:37.813-07:002010-06-03T14:19:37.813-07:00Thank you! I should take your advice on the fictio...Thank you! I should take your advice on the fictional account too; I posted a few things on your blog today after finding it for the first time -- it really resonated with me. Thank you for blogging!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1802896743878321184.post-62227972893969800182010-06-03T14:12:38.506-07:002010-06-03T14:12:38.506-07:00You can also email me at to_shadowspring@yahoo.com...You can also email me at to_shadowspring@yahoo.com.<br /><br />I don't check it every day, but I do check it at least once a week. (((anonymous))<br /><br />ps If you want to remain anonymous, open up a google or yahoo email in a fictional name (like shadowspring =). Just let me know you posted to Timeline and I'll know who you are.shadowspringhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15172112981244682382noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1802896743878321184.post-85072428208820412492010-06-03T14:07:16.015-07:002010-06-03T14:07:16.015-07:00Thanks for answering! (I only posted because you s...Thanks for answering! (I only posted because you said you'd be taking it down -- you understand!) I was getting counseling for a while but my first experience was bad and took a year to resolve (hello psychiatric profession, SSRI's are not the solution to every problem but they can cause PLENTY, especially when half the physical symptoms turn out to belong to another medical condition altogether!); the second experience was MUCH better but with my weird religious home schooled background and so many crazy things going on in my family right up to the minute it takes a lot of talking to explain my broader situation -- and then my health insurance ceased coverage (I know it's worth the $$ and I plan to go back). We live far away from where we grew up, so don't really have friends or much of a community here, and I've done a really lousy job of keeping up with friends or making friends while in this stressful situation. I'm working on it! Thanks so much for your kind wishes! I will be thinking of you and your husband as well.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1802896743878321184.post-28332905776022518802010-06-03T13:43:16.345-07:002010-06-03T13:43:16.345-07:00I don't know what to tell you. The word narci...I don't know what to tell you. The word narcissism sticks out to me as a very scary word. My mom is NPD on the far end of the scale, the scale where there is no likelihood of change. My daughter's ex-boyfriend appears by all counts to be NPD too.<br /><br />I do understand that highly motivated NPDs on the lesser end of the scale have made great progress with therapy though, so it's not necessarily hopeless.<br /><br />As for others, misogyny is a belief. You can change your beliefs. Guilt is an emotion. It needs to be acknowledged and atoned for in a way that brings one peace. Emotions are not forever. Avoiding intimacy is a sign of unresolved mommy issues, and that can be worked through by your husband determining to love you and push through his discomfort to love you as his wife. Maybe Joel and Kathy Davission's Marriage Intensive might be helpful, I don't know.<br /><br />Depression, on the other hand, is a chemical imbalance brought on by all these chronic negative emotions. It is treatable, and it is unlikely to resolve itself without some kind of intervention.<br /><br />But the bigger question to me is, how are you? Are you being cared for during this time of great emotional stress? Do you have friends? Family who support you? Peace and security?<br /><br />We actually found this counselor because I was getting help for me. I knew I could not continue to live with this stress and emotional pain, and I was hoping to find a plan to get on with my life, with or without my husband. <br /><br />He knows this, and was all the more eager to find his own answers, so that I could live with him safely and happily for the rest of our lives.<br /><br />But if he hadn't, or if things don't work out, I am not staying in this emotional turmoil for the rest of my life. <br /><br />Maybe if you just start getting some support and counsel for your self. it might be the catalyst for other changes. Or not, it might just help you. But that's okay, you deserve it! =)<br /><br />I found my counselor by googling EMDR and then trying a certifying organizations web site. If you have suffered from childhood abuse, then you already have good reason to start EMDR therapy. <br /><br />I wish you peace and good success! I hope you get back to read this before I take it down. Much sisterly love, SSshadowspringhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15172112981244682382noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1802896743878321184.post-86883870275144852732010-06-03T11:45:29.249-07:002010-06-03T11:45:29.249-07:00Wow this is really depressing for me to read. I...Wow this is really depressing for me to read. I'm still within your "first seven years" and I don't want to go through everything you've been through!<br /><br />DH has already seen a therapist to talk about narcissism, misogyny, guilt, and intimacy issues. He is always kind and loving except for occasional angry outbursts that almost seem more like self-punishment than cruelty.<br /><br />My dad's never-resolved issues better fit your description of the abuse you've suffered. DH is nothing like my dad -- but obviously, especially after living w/my dad for eighteen years, I just cannot make room for ANY abuse in my life -- it's crushing.<br /><br />DH was always an exuberant, outgoing, confident personality (narcissism, as I said above), but lately he's really, visibly depressed. I don't know how to help, I don't know if I should be trying help or if it only makes it worse. We don't have kids (intimacy issues, as I said above) but we both gave up a lot to be together. <br /><br />I also wonder if my no-so-great relationship with my MIL makes things worse for my DH. I'd like for them to work out their unacknowledged issues but I know that I'm a giant red herring in their relationship!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1802896743878321184.post-12845891291569321432010-06-03T09:32:31.512-07:002010-06-03T09:32:31.512-07:00Wish I had edited that comment before I added it! ...Wish I had edited <i>that </i>comment before I added it! o.oshadowspringhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15172112981244682382noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1802896743878321184.post-54456862218938669602010-06-03T09:31:24.781-07:002010-06-03T09:31:24.781-07:00I want to underscore that my husband greatly regre...I want to underscore that my husband greatly regrets these episodes of anger and hatred that he experiences. He truly wants to stop, and does not want to go to the place anymore.<br /><br />And so the realization that this could be due to trauma, and is treatable, is a great relief to <b>both</b> of us. =D<br /><br />I also want to add that, in case it isn't obvious, I love my husband and have great compassion and respect for him.<br /><br />That said, if we can't put an end to these episodes, we will split up. I am not going to live in fear and insecurity the rest of my life.<br />Though a cure appears to be on the horizon, I want to make it plain that I do not believe that any woman should stay in an abusive marriage, whether that be emotional, spiritual or physical abuse.<br /><br />Putting up with it is a lose-lose. Your husband will never face up to who he truly is and find the repentance and healing he needs to experience the zoe life of God at its best. And obviously, the abused spouse will suffer emotional, mental and even physical illness if the stays in an unsafe environment.<br /><br />Nuff said.shadowspringhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15172112981244682382noreply@blogger.com