tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1802896743878321184.post4937939297668455431..comments2023-08-19T01:00:21.479-07:00Comments on Love. Learning. Liberty.: Skype and the Family That Never Wasshadowspringhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15172112981244682382noreply@blogger.comBlogger13125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1802896743878321184.post-52640104825442707542012-02-03T14:19:29.126-08:002012-02-03T14:19:29.126-08:00My grandmother died in 1995. She was an angel to ...My grandmother died in 1995. She was an angel to me. I am quite sure that everything not damaged in my heart and mind is because of her nurturing. My twin sister and I were sent to live with her when we were six months old, until right before my mom remarried when we were four. My grandma's love laid the foundation for who I am today. RIP Grandma. You remain my hero always.shadowspringhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15172112981244682382noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1802896743878321184.post-83398931205583172252012-02-02T17:31:03.578-08:002012-02-02T17:31:03.578-08:00Wow. Just wow.
You are well rid of her. She gave ...Wow. Just wow. <br />You are well rid of her. She gave up her rights to be your mother right there in the hospital. Your grandmother sounds like she has both oars in the water. Do you still have a relationship with her?Jaimiehttp://bunnystuff.wordpress.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1802896743878321184.post-46824160177707524102012-01-21T15:15:04.016-08:002012-01-21T15:15:04.016-08:00OMG I cannot imagine what this must have been like...OMG I cannot imagine what this must have been like. my heart aches for you and your childhood... (hugs)<br /><br />thank you for sharing these vulnerable places with us.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06320662888676763567noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1802896743878321184.post-65818826224080653452012-01-02T07:27:24.342-08:002012-01-02T07:27:24.342-08:00=)=)shadowspringhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15172112981244682382noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1802896743878321184.post-12480296152254280462012-01-01T21:48:52.208-08:002012-01-01T21:48:52.208-08:00What I meant was it was rebellious because I like ...What I meant was it was rebellious because I like short hair (mainly because he can keep it clean), so he wants long hair (which he cannot; at least not the way I'd like it!). If I went crazy over long hair, he'd cut it short (which is probably the answer, right? lol) He really does do some things just because I prefer the opposite or want the opposite.<br /><br />Now, like I said, none of this is extreme -- he's not out doing drugs or going on crime sprees or anything like that. He's a good kid with a good head on his shoulders, and part of finding out who he is and separating himself from me is delineating himself from me. I don't see it any different than the terrible twos, really... a child testing his boundaries, figuring out what he likes and doesn't, figuring out what HIS values are versus those of his parents.<br /><br />It's just been particularly trying recently, because everything was turning into a power struggle. My solution, once he reached a certain responsible age, was to drop out of the struggles as much as possible and really let him make his own decisions, without input from me at all unless requested (and sparingly even then!).<br /><br />As far as childhood, well... he was definitely more of a challenge to parent than some other children. But we didn't see that as rebellious; he's extremely bright, and was always kind of a little adult in a child's body. We always said the characteristics that drove us crazy when he was little -- strong will, persistence, expressiveness -- would be outstanding qualities when he was an adult, if we could keep from sullying them in the meantime. THAT was the challenge. I hope we did mostly okay. He seems to have flourished through whatever mistakes we made, anyway, thank God!<br /><br />We don't worry about "rebellion against God." Everybody has to find their own spiritual path. We've encouraged the kids to come to us when they question their faith, and while we provide resources for them to investigate on their own when asked, we don't try to talk them out of anything or steer them to the "correct" path.<br /><br />Oh -- and while I'd prefer to avoid any cross-dressing scenarios with any of the kids, that wouldn't be a deal-breaker either. ; )Final Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1802896743878321184.post-67165522287018344522012-01-01T11:06:02.350-08:002012-01-01T11:06:02.350-08:00In an abusive family situation, the label "re...In an abusive family situation, the label "rebellious" starts way before a child is a teen and it encompasses every day and pretty much everything they do. Eating a sandwich is rebellious if done by the scapegoat. For Hanna Williams, touching a doorknob to open a door was rebellious. <br /><br />Liking a different hairstyle than a parent likes isn't rebellious, Final. Hairstyles could only be rebellious if they worn were in defiance of a moral code or law. It is merely a preference of your son's that you don't share; a matter of taste, not a moral issue. <br /><br />At least that's how I see it. Maybe it is a moral absolute in your neck of the woods? Some people (inerrantists, mostly) feel pretty strongly that the Bible condemns long hair on boys as some sort of cross-dressing taboo- only <i> girls </i> have long hair. But Nazarites were commanded to let their hair grow long, so I think a Biblical case can be made that long hair on men is alright by God. ;-)shadowspringhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15172112981244682382noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1802896743878321184.post-7708147117934734472011-12-31T10:29:27.340-08:002011-12-31T10:29:27.340-08:00Hmmm, I startled a bit when I read your comment, b...Hmmm, I startled a bit when I read your comment, because I'm sure I've called one son rebellious, or at least said "He's going through a little teenage rebellion"... I think every parent of teens I know has said something similar... but I think I understand what you're getting at, and this is probably different.<br /><br />My kids are in school, in activities, and we aren't in a conservative Christian church or group, so they aren't "rebelling" against God, or parental authority, they are just -- finding themselves. And we, as parents, expect this "rebellion" as a natural part of life, something we all have to do, not a character flaw. In fact, when we use the phrase, it's almost like a reminder to others and/or ourselves that their current behavior does NOT reflect some character or personality problem; "it's just a little teenage rebellion. We all just have to grin and bear it. He's a good kid."<br /><br />And the vast majority of that "rebellion" isn't even punished; ie, my son's major rebellion right now is the length and style of his hair. Ugh. Such a handsome boy, and he wants to kill his appearance with such a ratty hairstyle, says the mom in me but really, what are you gonna do? I want it short, he keeps it long, if that's the extent of his teenage rebellion, I'm happy. ; )<br /><br />Sorry to hijack your comments (again!); I do understand what you are saying. In my lifetime I have seen the families where a teen who is questioning or expressing different ideas than the parental authorities are put on lockdown and berated for their "rebellion." And people did nothing, really, but maybe offer occasional sympathy to the kid. I think you have great ideas to help a kid through it.Final Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1802896743878321184.post-40357478535300708572011-12-30T15:14:46.599-08:002011-12-30T15:14:46.599-08:00Oh, Shadowspring. It's amazing how God brough...Oh, Shadowspring. It's amazing how God brought you through that. Hugs.Kristenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08252374623355509404noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1802896743878321184.post-68267258318488467872011-12-29T07:03:50.070-08:002011-12-29T07:03:50.070-08:00Thank you for your kind words. I treasure them.
...Thank you for your kind words. I treasure them.<br /><br />When I heard of Hanna Williams tragic death at the hands of her own parents, I cringed. While everyone else was saying, "How could this happen?" I knew exactly how it happened. It was not at all surprising to me when I read that her siblings were mocking her as "faking it" and "just being rebellious" when she staggered around the yard in the final stages of hypothermia, dying.<br /><br />What does still mystify me is why the church still focuses any teaching at all on heirarchical authority structures in the home, when the plain command of Christ was to "love one another, as I have loved you". He loved us so much that he pursued developing empathy with us to the point that he left His Father's side in glory to humble himself and live like us.<br /><br />That's what the church should be teaching about parenting. Love and empathy.<br /><br />But it's not. It's all about who's in charge and rebellion is bad, so it's easy to get group approval for your ill treatment of a child just by labeling them "rebellious". <br /><br />I want to warn everyone: if you hear a parent describe a child as "rebellious", you are talking to an abusive parent. Don't let on that you know, but do all you can to insinuate yourself into the family and befriend that child. You could save a life.<br /><br />And do be careful not to jump the gun on calling the authorities until you have hard evidence. I know one abuser who beat four separate investigations because she is a wealthy professional woman who is a great actress and keeps a spotless house. But if you have hard proof, don't hesitate to turn them in. Call 911, not the hotline, as police take this sort of thing MUCH MORE SERIOUS.<br /><br />At the very least, let "rebellious" children know they are loved and that there is a witness to their suffering. I can't tell you how much that doctor's response to my being alive meant to me. It was just a momentary exchange, but my heart lived on it for a long time.shadowspringhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15172112981244682382noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1802896743878321184.post-20294956598398275892011-12-28T19:20:46.255-08:002011-12-28T19:20:46.255-08:00I'm so sorry - what a horrible time you had - ...I'm so sorry - what a horrible time you had - thas is not the way childhoods should be. You are such a strong woman...Rebecca Newmanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03935383254039552080noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1802896743878321184.post-65761138393690226502011-12-28T10:57:51.809-08:002011-12-28T10:57:51.809-08:00Horrible.
Very impressed with how far you've ...Horrible.<br /><br />Very impressed with how far you've come from your upbringing. You've learned and grown ten times more than most people do in a lifetime. Testament to your strength, courage, and character.Final Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1802896743878321184.post-48704360847822137942011-12-27T19:47:35.545-08:002011-12-27T19:47:35.545-08:00I've been feeling pretty sh***y about myself l...I've been feeling pretty sh***y about myself lately, particularly about myself as a mom. I feel better now because I know at least my kids will never be able to write this post. I'm really sorry that you can. {{shadow}}Sandra Keehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16979912092987681396noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1802896743878321184.post-42542162964006735572011-12-27T17:19:58.490-08:002011-12-27T17:19:58.490-08:00:-( Hugs...
L:-( Hugs...<br /><br />LAnonymousnoreply@blogger.com