Baby steps, baby steps

Yes, that is a reference to What About Bob? I loved that movie!

Well, I finally decided to call a counselor for my own good, and I have found the most compassionate, caring woman. She spoke with me for a good ten minutes on the phone and agreed to squeeze me in on cancellations until something regular opens up.

She listened! She was kind! Her staff was kind! She seems to understand.

And she has compassion for my lost boy husband too. She recommended trauma therapy for him. Trauma therapy! That word made me so happy. She understood.

To be exiled (at the tender ages of 5 and 6, no less!) to live with strangers 1500+ miles away is a HUGE TRAUMA. Only a religious person or a total narcissist (or both) would even contemplate doing that!

I was talking about the whole situation to two non-religious friends this weekend and they were appalled. As home school moms especially, who love and nurture their children, it horrified them that a human parent would even consider sending away a six year old to the care of strangers. Unless you were facing war and/or genocide, and the only way to secure your child's survival was to send them away, then they agreed it was without excuse.

Without excuse!

WITHOUT EXCUSE!!!!

The God I know has more than enough resources to accomplish his will without child sacrifice.

I applaud all the missionary families I know who are home schooling, even though they are thought evil of by the mission hierarchy. I have personally heard the griping myself, that "the work" is suffering because one parent is spending time with their own children when their time should be fully dedicated to "the mission". They called home schooling parents on the field "selfish".

So if you know mission families who home school, pray for them regularly! They are persecuted by their peers for obeying the scriptures that exhort believers to care for (your own) little ones, to bring your (own) children up in nurture, and to care for your own flesh and blood. (Matthew 10:42; Matthew 18:16; Ephesians 6:4; I Timothy 5:8, every scripture that calls us to love one another and do no evil to another, to bear with the weak, etc. )

More good news, my new counselor does not discount my own research concerning PAPD but accepts my experience/learning as valid, and is willing to see us both together. She is also willing to recommend a good counselor for my husband and work with any counselor he signs up to see.

My husband is so ashamed that he didn't make it the two weeks without incident that he himself promised he would make it. He only made it ten days, that is why the title of the last post is 10/14. He really does not want to continue to be ambushed by these overwhelming feelings of sadness and anger.

Praise the Divine Love that His mercies are new every morning, and I am encouraged today. My husband is re-reading "The Shack" (written my a missionary kid, dontcha know!) and armed with a good lead for a counselor who can help him visit his own shack of grief and pain from the past. He is not passively resigned to the status quo, but is taking steps to find lasting freedom. Good for him.

I am praying that God also meets my husband in his own shack of pain and shame, just as in the novel/allegory, and that God brings to my husband the same healing and love that the author of his book found there.

Final note, all highly personal posts like these will disappear from public view after a few days. I think it is healing for me to be open about my real life, what this (and many others, if people would be honest) Christian home schooling family and marriage are REALLY going through! I hope it encourages other people that great religious pedigrees and earnest sincerity of faith and practice do not equal perfection. Anyone (cough cough Vision Forum) who is implying otherwise is either in DENIAL or outright LYING TO YOU!

Live loved. I mean that in all earnestness. Know that God loves you today, that His love is an everlasting love that never fails. Cling to that love with all your might. And when your strength fails and you can't hold on anymore, know that the mercy of God will be underneath you, carrying you close to God's heart. You will be safe even when you fail. So seriously, live loved.