Graduating next month =)

Hello any readers still out there in cyberspace.  The end of net neutrality means that the rich will soon control your access to the thoughts and words of little people like me, so I thought I'd make a final post while I still could.  And to think I once believed in trickle-down economics, silly child that I was.

So, here's the scoop on my marriage, career and family.  I am still married, even though my husband occasionally endulges in abusive behavior.  It happens far less frequently, and ends far more quickly, because I am so close to complete financial self-sufficiency that it is as good as done.  Nothing like seriously working on your exit plan to get a man to take you seriously. ;-)

I graduate in May and I have assurance of a well-paying job with "all the hours I want" to quote my potential new supervisor. I am one of the top five graduates in my community college.  I have already passed the national registry exam in my field which means I will graduate as a credentialed professional.  Can I get an "Amen"?

Our whole family stopped going to church two years ago.  My husband has been sleeping in church for years, or going in the back room with his laptop because he was on call.  Yes, sometimes it really was work, but other times, Sudoku or Minesweeper were what was calling to him.  So when my pastor called me and chewed me out, yelling and calling me insulting names over a facebook post that a) he admitted was true and rational but b) did not admit was hurting his "brand" and might have a potential negative impact on his income if read by reactionary small-minded people who can't understand basic English (his target audience =), my husband had no problem just not going anymore.

My son, great-hearted guy that he is, kept going for awhile, since he doesn't carry other people's grudges.  He still loved God and loved being part of the worship band, so continuing to go was the right thing to do.  Unfortunately, the pastor was not as emotionally mature as my teenage son.  He transferred his hatred towards me over to my son and started treating my son like an enemy instead of a friend.  Eventually my son stopped going as well.  Thank you, Pastor Todd for freeing us from the confines of the cultish business empire that is today's American evangelical Christianity.  Go now, you are forgiven. 

My daughter is out of the Air Force and wants no part of the war machine.  She saw through it quicker than I did, smart girl that she is.  She lives with her boyfriend, a man who clearly dotes on her.  He was also raised to go to church every Sunday and be a good American Christian.  So much for parents doubling down on religion, eh?   Why he won't marry her I don't know (she asked but he turned her down), but this I do know: he seems to truly love my daughter, I know she truly loves him, and they are by all accounts very happy with things the way they are.  So, I am happy for them.

My son is a wandering spirit at this point, his heart captured by poetry and art.  Where he will end up vocation-wise I do not know, but that is not my journey.  He is free to follow his own path, and I will love and accept him wherever that path leads.  I want nothing less than for him to follow his conscience and be good to all people to the best of his ability, and nothing more for him than self-sufficiency with generosity.  I am confident he will live up to my expectations, such as they are.

So, thank you faithful readers. And thanks to all in the evangelical community who shunned us, condemned us and turned your backs on us.  Here outside the wall, with all the other lovers of God and lovers of humanity, the "bleeding hearts and artists", life is truly worth living.  My prayer for you is that you too will also eventually escape "the mask of life they had placed upon the face of death"*, i.e. current American evangelical Christianity and all it encompasses.

*Damascus Road by Rich Mullins

God is Love and He loves everyone!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-WybvhRu9KU

Nightmare Before Christmas

Tim Burton’s movie entitled “The Nightmare Before Christmas” was released to the public in 1993.  My daughter was three years old. 

I was a fully committed fundamentalist Christian mother at that time.  Determined to pass on my faith to my precious daughter, I filled our home with Christian books, Christian videos, Christian music, and Christian toys.  I took her to Sunday school.  I took her to Mother’s Day Out at our church.  I took her to Vacation Bible School each summer.  Every day in every way, I sought to fill her environment with words of faith and love.

Faith and love were my intention, but faith and law were instead often the result.  So many things seem to be like that in parenting.  We embark on a course of action with every positive intention, and when the course is run, we are stunned to find that we are nowhere near where we intended to end up.  Like the many parents you can see each week at Disney World waiting for the evening parade, the frustration of having all our good intentions stymied can be maddening.  We put all this money, time and effort into trying to create this magical experience of wonder and amazement in our children’s childhood, and then they instead experience something entirely different and not always pleasant.  Who wouldn’t be upset?

Most parents’ initial reaction is anger.  They (we) scold the children for being (fill in the blank) ungrateful or selfish or rude or ugly or call them whiners or sissies or other unpleasant names, when they are experiencing our efforts as a negative instead of the positive we intended.  Good parents catch themselves and stop, apologize, and do a logistics check to look for the cause of distress.  Hungry?  Tired? Sunburned?  Cold? Thirsty?  Sick?  Over-stimulated?  Need to go to the bathroom?  Activity age appropriate?  I liked to think I was a good parent, especially when my daughter was very young.

But then, when my daughter was somewhere around eleven or twelve, things went awry.  I was doing all the right things- Christian devotions, daily prayers, fun activities, church socialization, teaching to her interests and strengths, providing lessons outside the home, exposing her to social groups (Girl Scouts in this case).  Why was my daughter so depressed?  Why was she so “rebellious”?  What was “wrong” with her? 

Looking back now, the signs are everywhere obvious.  She needed me to stop with all the religion and constant moralizing and spiritualizing everything and listen to her. I should have listened to her, and listened without any idea in my head of what the “right” answers were, the “right” feelings were, the “right” thoughts were.  I am sad, truly sad, to say I did not do that.  I was full of Christian culture claptrap, up to my eyebrows, and I knew what were the right answers, the right feelings and the right thoughts for all good Christians.  I was quick to point out to her where she was wrong, why she shouldn’t feel the way she did, and why she should not think the thoughts she was thinking.  I called her thoughts and feelings evil and demonic.

To those of you not up to your eyebrows in Christian culture claptrap, I know that sounds heinous- it is heinous to say that to a child!  But to those of you steeped in Christian culture, it will sound right and good doctrinally.  We are always being tempted by the devil and his demons to think evil thoughts and hold on to evil feelings like fear, resentment and jealousy.  These are not perfectly normal or understandable human emotions and reactions. They are sin.  If a person does not repent of them right away, then they are under the power of the demonic.  That is the spirit at work “in the children of disobedience”.

 Ephesians 2:1 And you hath he quickened, who were dead in trespasses and sins; 2 Wherein in time past ye walked according to the course of this world, according to the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that now worketh in the children of disobedience: 3 Among whom also we all had our conversation in times past in the lusts of our flesh, fulfilling the desires of the flesh and of the mind; and were by nature the children of wrath, even as others. 

Poor kid.  She was having a hard time figuring out who she was and how she fit into this world, and she was getting no breaks from me.  I thought I was the most loving and supportive Christian parents a child could hope to have, and I was.  I was living the Christian version of the Eagle’s “Life in the Fast Lane”.  I knew all the right people; I took all the right "pills".  I had the scriptural answer to everything. 

But she did not need a Christian parent, she needed a loving parent. She did not need religion to tell her how she should feel and think.  She needed a loving mother to listen to her express how she did feel and think, and without shaming her for having the “wrong” thoughts and feelings.  That she did not get.

She did get tolerance. That was the best I could come up with at the time, but she did not get that tolerance shame-free.  Oh no, there was still plenty of shaming and prodding to do the “right” thing and think the “right” way and feel the “right” things.  Is it any wonder that my daughter’s favorite song to play at the time was “Reflections” from the movie Mulan?

“Look at me

I will never pass for a perfect bride

Or a perfect daughter

Can it be

I'm not meant to play this part?

Now I see

That if I were truly to be myself

I would break my fam'ly's heart.”

(http://www.fpx.de/fp/Disney/Lyrics/Mulan.html#Reflection)

So, she quit talking to me.  Most of the time, she just hid in her room.  We didn’t always fight (disagree, clash, hurt each other), but it was still a daily occurrence.  For reasons I now understand, but did not at the time, we just could not connect.  I tried, in my own fashion, every day.  My daughter tried, in her own fashion, probably just as often.  But I was not really trying to understand her.  I was trying to change her.

I wanted to mold her into what the Christian culture said she should be and it was not taking. She appeared to be something else entirely, much to my dismay. While appearances are not always what they seem, she seemed to be (in my estimation at the time) mean, self-centered, uncooperative, pretty much the opposite of the cheerful, obedient, pleasant Christian girl I was expecting.

I was embarrassed by her, because I knew that we would be judged harshly and rejected by our Christian peers.  But I did not forsake her, as I have watched so many other Christian parents do to their children whom they could not control. I give myself some good parent points for that.

The best I could do, the very best at the time, was stand beside her.  I allowed her to express herself in the ways that she chose, though I was not really happy or supportive about it.  I tolerated it.  Not a best case scenario by far, but really the best I could come up with at the time.  I was willing to bear the shame of being her mom, even though I did not understand her and was incapable of trying, because I knew that God loved and accepted me as I was, without condition. I would love my daughter the same way.

The day came when my daughter became fascinated with Goth culture.  She was already depressed, I reasoned.  No wonder she would fall into a depressing and dark subculture.  I didn’t want a war over everything, so I picked and chose what I could tolerate and what was just too far over the line for even me.  So, when she asked to watch Tim Burton’s “The Nightmare Before Christmas” I stuck my nose in the air and agreed to tolerate it.  *I* would never watch such garbage.  I am quite sure I made some comments about not understanding what she saw in such dark entertainment, but I allowed it. 

I thought that was the farthest stretched out limit to the love of God any reasonable Christian parent could reach- to allow her to watch it.  I would not sully my own happy Christian bubble by watching it with her.  I was too pure for that.

Fast forward to this year.  My daughter is now a grown adult. She was home for the holidays, and I asked her and her brother if they wanted to watch a Christmas movie.  “Yes!” came the happy answer.  “Let’s watch ‘The Nightmare Before Christmas’!”  Her father and I, being less religious than we were ten years ago, agreed.  Ironically, we are still both infected by Christian culture enough to only agree reluctantly. J

Oh, my dear Lord, why did I not watch this movie earlier? 

This movie is a beautiful fictionalization of my daughter’s experience of life. Like Jack Skellyton, she wanted to belong to the magical world of Christendom (Christmastown).  She was enamored by it, and tried her very hardest to make it work.  But like Jack, she was doomed to be forever on the outside of that to which she so wanted to belong.  Ten years ago, when she asked me to watch this movie, she was trying to get me to understand her heart.  What a religious fool I was to turn my nose up at the opportunity.

There’s a scene in the movie, where Jack is pretending to be Santa Clause and failing miserably. The townspeople are employing anti-aircraft guns to shoot down the imposter.  They don’t understand that Jack has a good and loving heart and wants to be a part of the gift-giving love-fest that is Christmas.    All they know is that his gifts don’t look right, and he doesn’t look right, and when he tries to “ho ho ho” it sounds like the frightening cackle of a Halloween ghoul.  So they take aim and shoot him down.

Jack falls out of his downed aircraft and lands, appropriately, in a cemetery.  Even more poignant, he comes to rest on the outstretched arms of an angelic statuary.  I am tearing up at this point, and I look at my daughter.  Tears stream down her cheeks, and yet she is smiling.  “Yes,” she assents out loud, “because God loves us, too, even the ones who can’t ever fit in.”

My heart broke in that moment and it still hasn’t fully recovered.  I hope it never does.

Unconditional Respect= Participation Trophies?

Growing up I always had a special attraction to World War II stories.  I was taught to lionize Corrie Ten Boom and others who stood up against the Nazis, risking their lives to protect others.  I fell in love with Dietrich Boenhoffer.  I read Alexander Solzhenitsyn. I read about Jane Addams, Mary Bethune, Mother Jones and Amy Carmicheal.  These men and women were heroes because they took a personal stand against injustice.  I knew that all good people should aspire to be like them.

All good people would of course include all good Christians.  I did not study the long history of injustice and abuse sometimes instigated by the church (pogroms) and other times promoted by the church (Nazi propoganda) and in some cases merely given tacit approval by the church (Ku Klux Klan).  If I had, if Christians would study the dark side of their own history, maybe we wouldn't be so prone to repeat it.  But regardless, I grew up respecting these people because of their character and their accomplishments.

The church was supposed to lead a love revolution on the planet. This was Jesus' command, to love one another.  This was Jesus' example, to go about doing good.  This true Christianity still survives, but not in the Christian publishing empire.  Nope, the visible church is once again at time instigating abuse, promoting abuse and giving tacit approval to abuse. And this time, it's my beloved country. This time, it's my beloved fellow citizens foaming with self-righteous hatred at any suggestion of living a life of love as a society.

Pay a penny tax to help the children of the poor?  Suggestions like that provoke overt anger in "good Christian" men.  Restrict access to high-kill firearms so that society suffers less gun violence?  "Good Christian" men become livid at the suggestion that they modify their behavior in any way, for any purpose.  They demand their rights be respected!!

But other people's rights?  Let them fight for themselves.  Well-off white Christian men worked hard for what they have, and it's theirs!  It is not possible anymore to get them to consider that other Americans work just as hard, if not harder, for far less because they were born without the advantages of middle-class white people. They won't even admit these advantages exist.  And if they do admit to any advantage, they have no gratitude or sense of humility about having it, they will just claim it is because of their parents' hard work.  As if the children born into poverty all have lazy parents- which is what they truly believe.  They do not even try to understand what life is like for those on the bottom tier of economic system.  They don't believe it is right or good to do so.

That is where we are today. Good is called evil, and evil good, and by the very people (Christians- followers of Jesus Christ!) who should be leading the charge to minister to "the least of these".  

Today's evangelical church has a new cause- patriarchy, not brotherly love.  Today's evangelical church has a new enemy- gay people, not personal failure to live a life of love.  Today's evangelical even has a new "least of these" to be concerned about, and it's not the poor, the crippled, the widowed, the hungry or those in prison with whom Jesus chose to be concerned.  (Oh  no, especially not those in prison!)  The church is concerned about male privilege- the loss of which they liken to being castrated. This is the emergency the church must respond to NOW- not feeding the hungry, clothing the naked, housing the homeless or visiting the socially isolated.  The big need today is for wives to offer unconditional respect to their husbands.

Unconditional respect?!  When I was a child that would have been loudly denounced. That's what Stalin demanded of the people of the USSR.  That's what Hitler demanded first of Germany and then the world.  American earn respect, they don't demand it.  Unearned respect is an oxymoron anyway. 

Respect carries with it the idea of admiration, a belief in the superior nature of the one being respected for a real reason.  We respect Teddy Roosevelt for taking on trusts. We respect Mother Theresa for her dedication to the poor. Some respect athletes for the dedication that made them world class players, or even for the natural talent they possess.  But in all cases, respect is there because admiration was there first.

Recently the right wing has rightfully attacked "new age" pedagogy, which gives out trophies to all children for participation, rather than rewarding only the best results.  Conservatives scoffed at the notion that a child's self-esteem was at stake.  Life is competitive, and only the ones at the top get rewarded.  I tend to agree with this, that self-esteem will always be based on real accomplishment. Accomplishment should be recognized and rewarded, in an effort to encourage children to strive for true achievement.  Merely showing up should not earn awards.  The "self-respect" such awards create is short-lived and unsatisfying, and makes children expect big rewards for little effort.  Critics claim that the unearned awards would make lazy, demanding whiners out of our nation's children.

And yet these same conservatives want grown women to give unconditional respect to men!! They even claim that the men's self esteem is suffering because they do not get the moral equivalent of participation trophies each day from their beaming wives.  Women are urged to give "unconditional respect" to their husbands or their poor man will suffer from being emasculated.  Men "desperately need" this unconditional respect, according to popular author Eggerichs, in his big money-making enterprise (books, DVDs, seminars, $$$$$) Love and Respect.

Christian men are "desperate" for their participation trophies?  But won't all that unearned "respect" ultimately back-fire?  When reality breaks in and the marriages fail and the broken, wounded people emerge from families led by immature, lazy, demanding whiners won't that be a bad thing?  Because it is. It no more builds strong families to offer husbands "unconditional respect" than it builds winning sports franchises to give all players equal time in a starting position.  Human nature doesn't work that way.  

This Eggerichs guy is getting rich, filthy freaking rich, by telling Christian women to use the same "new age" pedagogy that conservative rightly criticized and applying it toward their relationship with the grown men they married.  I am sure it is generously proof-texted, but that doesn't make it true.  If only Christian women would seek God on their knees, and then use the good brain God gave them to seek our truth, this book would not be a best-seller.  The world will be a much better place when the self-made Christian golden ghetto disappears, and all the hucksters and snake oil salesman disappear with them.  

I am happy to report that my husband earns my respect by his character and achievement. When his character  or actions are not worthy of respect, he figures it out pretty quickly and takes appropriate action. THAT is why our marriage is making it where many others have failed.  The damage of misogynist fundamentalist religion in our marriage was addressed (is still being addressed) by both of the adults in this relationship.  We each, regardless of our gender, have taken (are still taking) responsibility for our beliefs and the actions that spring from them. As God spoke to Cain in the garden, "If you do good, shall you not be rewarded?" 

Trophies go to those who earn them.  Respect is awarded to those who earn it.  Unearned respect, like unearned trophies, may feel good at first but the concept is just setting men up for failure.  Ultimately the world does not continue to stroke the egos of lazy, demanding whiners.  It just is not going to make better men or better marriages, and by extension better families.  Christian homes will be a toxic mess of entitled husband/fathers, harried wives/mothers  and wounded children who will see right through it as they grow up under the madness of such a contrived emotional system of padre pandering.

PS The unconditional love that "women long for"?  All of humanity longs for it. And that, we are COMMANDED  to offer freely to one another, married  or not, regardless of gender, or age, or any other descriptive term.  

John 13:34

New International Version 1984 (NIV1984)

³⁴ “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.

Self-Congratulatory Ego Stroking Nonsense

"You are a REAL MAN when you: commit to study God's Word, when you teach your children, when you love your wife."

o_0


Seriously?  Now Christians are willing to dehumanize all other people everywhere in order to stroke their own egos and emphasize their superiority to those other mere (hell bound, presumably) slobs?

This is so obviously wrong that it should never see the light of day, and yet Christians are proudly plastering this all over their facebook walls this morning.

Can you imagine Jesus ever saying such nonsense?

Does Jesus anywhere call for people to "study God's Word"?  I don't think so.  Please post chapter and verse from the gospels if I am wrong.

(Fundies: don't even try to say Jesus=the whole Bible so a verse from OT or epistles are on the same level as the actual teachings of Jesus as remembered by the early church.  That's a load of manure and if you were more intellectually honest, it would have occurred to you too.  Meditate on the lesson of the Mount of Transfiguration and it will be plain: Jesus and Moses, Elijah, the disciples are NOT on equal footing.  Jesus is GOD.  Those others guys are just people, like you and me, whose lives were touched by God.  HUGE difference!!)

Jesus commanded us precious few things, so they are easy to remember:  A new command I give you, that you love one another as I have loved you.  By this will all men know you are my disciples, if you love one another.

When it comes to children, Jesus loved them and touched them.  He warned people not to offend them.  He said nary a word about "teaching them".

Of course, Jesus was a constant teacher, but when I see a fundamentalist use the word "teach" in connection with the word "children" it usually means something very different than emulating the life of Jesus and how he related to those he taught.  It means spank, demand obedience even when unfair and unjust, and coerce them to emulate spoken and overtly taught parental values like what to think, feel, watch and say. This would include memorizing Bible verses and parroting Christian cliches without thinking about them very deeply.  All a far cry from the nurture and compassion Jesus showed little children and commanded us to also show.  All a far cry from the love and acceptance Jesus showed the crowds of people who came to Him to be healed and taught about the love of God.

Jesus and women? Jesus turned Old Testament misogyny upside down by accepting women as disciples, talking to them as equals, touching them without concern as to whether they were "bleeding" or not, commending for their faith, calling them up to the front of the synagogue, and more.  The list of the ways Jesus defied the patriarchy and honored women is very long.

I don't believe Jesus would ever have used the phrase "REAL MAN" about anyone, because it implies that other men are lesser and women, well we all know what the opposite of a "REAL MAN" is right?  A pussy, a girly-man, a pansy, and a wimp are all pretty much interchangeable insults used as the opposite of a "REAL MAN".  The phrase itself is misogynist to the core.

Oh, and the PRIDE fed by such a statement!  I simply cannot see Jesus ever endorsing such ego-stroking hyperbole, not ever.  If there is one thing Jesus was "against" it was religious posturing and the pride that goes with it.  Oh. my.

That statement just is rotten to the core.  I know of one very abusive, mentally off-balance patriarch who will puff up with pride when he reads this statement.  His children are all emotionally wounded by growing up in his strict fundamentalist patriarchal family cult.  As they age out and break free, the family gets more fractured because the patriarch disowns them for choosing a life different from his own sick, twisted (but scriptural when one is allowed to proof text!) religious life.

His wife is miserable.  The children she sacrificed career and self-development to birth and raise are torn from her. She has to choose between "submission" to the patriarch and loving her children.  How sick is that?

But this guy fits the "REAL MAN" label above.   He, his life and his family are the living examples of how these religious catch phrases have replaced true devotion to Jesus with gaining the approval of your co-religionists.

My husband is a real man. So is my son. So are my Sikh, Jewish and Hindu neighbors.  A real man is one who exists.  Period.  Stop with the loaded language and ego-stroking, church.  It's repulsive.

*sigh*  I have to get back to studying.  I just wanted to get this off my chest.  Peace and good will to all who read here.  You are all real people, fyi!  :)  Shadowspring

Jesus vs. American "christians"

Probably everyone has already seen or heard of this video clip in which a Republican congressman loses it on the Illinois house floor.

I live in the middle of a very Religious City.  I think I saw recently where it was in the top rankings for religious cities in the country.  I don't have time to hunt down the link, but supposedly 53% percent of people in my city attend  Christian services or at least self-report that they do.  There are 800 +/- churches in the greater metro area.

The odds are good that if a person is white, older and female, they go to church.  If they are Christians, the odds are good that they (for some inexplicable reason) are also pro-everything Rush Limbaugh likes, anti-everything Rush Limbaugh hates, and are registered Republican.  This actually makes no sense if they were actual disciples of Jesus.

Though Jesus never took a side as far as politics go, he did take up for the outcast (lepers, blind, disabled for any reason), the marginalized (tax collectors, women of ill repute), the foreigner (Samaritan, Syro-Phonecian, Roman), and the economically disadvantaged (compassion on the crowds with no food, the widow(s) at the temple).  Nowhere did Jesus favor the rich or the powerful religious elites, in fact he warned people to watch out not to become like them (beware the leaven...) and warned them not to seek to become  rich (seek you first the kingdom, how hard it is for the rich to enter the kingdom...).

So, it seems pretty plain to me that if you are against universal health care, you are not following Jesus in desiring to heal the sick.  If you are against public assistance for the disabled, you are not following Jesus in having compassion for the economically/socially disadvantaged.  If you are in favor of further labeling and marginalizing gay people as "abominations", you are not following Jesus in showing acceptance and welcome to the marginalized.  If you want to build a big fence to electrocute people fleeing privation/starvation in hopes of providing a better future for their children here in America, in fact if you want to do anything other than make it easier for these people, both by ending American imperialist policies that hurt their own economies (drug wars?) and making an easier process for them to immigrate legally, then you are not following Jesus in showing compassion to the foreigners among us.  If you demonize people who are poor and hungry as too lazy to work and begrudge assisting them in any way, you are not following Jesus in showing honor and offering real help to the poor and the hungry.

If you praise the rich as being  "successful", claiming they are more virtuous than other people, you listen to Rush with more intention than you read your Bible.  The Bible is full of pronouncements of judgement (the disapproval of God) on the rich and those who strive to be rich.  There is no way you can be a disciple of Jesus and call the mega-wealthy "job creators".  The two opinions of the wealthy elite (Rush Limbaugh vs. Jesus) stand in stark contrast.  I suppose you could point to the prosperity promised observant Jews in the Old Testament as proof that wealth means God approves of you, but you can't point to anything Jesus said or did that upholds that belief. Paul goes as far as to state plainly (in more than one way in more than one epistle) that Jesus is the end of the Law.  If you're following Jesus, the Old Testament law is irrelevant.  The  new command of Jesus is the only one that matters:

1. John 13:34
   A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another.
2. John 15:12
   This is my commandment, That ye love one another, as I have loved you.

Which is why it is inexplicable to me, and so ugly, that  today's evangelical equates being Republican with being Christian.  It makes absolutely no sense.  Anyone who takes the call to follow Jesus seriously can not in good conscience align themselves with the current Republican party.  Go ahead and try.  It just doesn't stand up to scrutiny if you actually read the Bible and want to obey Jesus.  

So, any thoughtful Christian would decry the actions of the congressman from Illinois, right?  After all, the New Testament is pretty plain that the congressman's actions* (railing:  to complain by being harsh and angry (usually followed by "at" or "against") are declared something that disciples of Jesus should clearly not be doing  (I Tim 6:4; I Peter 3:9; 2 Peter 2:11; Jude 1:9).  

That doesn't even take into account the many places Christians are admonished to be kind, gentle, bless and curse not, and to cultivate the lovely fruit of self-control.  There is absolutely no way this rant of a crazed lunatic could qualify as Christian or garner the praise of Christians, right?  Right?!  Right!?!?!

Yeah, not right.  In the break room at a local business, when this childish churl came up on the television, the outspoken Christian in the break room cheered for him, clapped, exulted over his (uninformed and childish) rant.  Worse, her co-worker chimed in a belated "Amen!"  These are the same people who openly sneered at me last year when I remarked that I had nothing against gay folks getting married if they had the courage to go for it.  

These two women probably think they are "good Christians".  I am confident they are Republican.  If a Democrat had engaged in similar behavior, they would be loudly denouncing how "ungodly" the congressman was behaving.  If any one they hated, a gay person or an immigrant or a lawyer for the ACLU, behaved in similar manner, it would probably be reckoned as one more justifying reason for their hatred.  Yet because a Republican cursed, screamed, threw things and whined about not getting his way,  they actually applauded.

I fear for my country.  Pastors openly call for child abuse against boys who love and emulate their mothers, for state executions of gay people,  for ending access to birth control for women and taking away women's right to vote.  They would like to end affirmative action  laws so they can go back to discriminating against minorities in the work place without penalty.  I have heard all these things in either sermons broadcast on the internet, read them in books or witnessed it in person by a pastor from the pulpit.  I even heard one pastor declare that slavery was not wrong, because the Bible supported it, but he wouldn't elaborate because it was not "politically correct".  Uh, dude, it's way worse than that.  Unless nothing would please you more than becoming a slave,  which I doubt, there is no way you can love another person and enslave them at the same time.  It just can't be done.

Which proves my point: Jesus is no longer necessary for American evangelical and fundamentalist Christians.  They have the Bible, which they love way more and gives them permission to love what the current Republican party stands for ONLY IF THEY REMOVE/IGNORE THE WORDS AND LIFE OF CHRIST.  That's exactly what they do.  It's the only way a person who knows how to read could both claim to be a "christian" and honor the rich, slander the poor, ignore the sick, hate homosexuals and resent immigrants.  They have to love their politics more than they love their "lord" if in fact they publicly honor politicians who rail, curse and throw things when Republican legislation isn't passed swiftly.  

As a person truly smitten with Jesus, modern American Christianity disgusts me.  I am reminded  of a saying I heard recently, "Mixing politics with religion is like mixing manure with ice cream.  It does nothing for the manure (politics) but it ruins the ice cream (religion)."  

I haven't been to church regularly since last October.  I don't plan to attend  more than once a month for the foreseeable future.  Once you've been handed a manure-laden ice cream cone, it sort of puts you off of ice cream altogether, even when there is no manure added into the current edition.  *shudder*

There was a time when being ugly and rude was socially unacceptable, and it was largely because of religion that this was true.  But what will happen to our city, our country, when religion is the force behind public demonstrations of hate and violence? If things don't turn around in our society soon, we may find out.  

So while it was easy yesterday to just get up and walk out of the break room, I am concerned that one day not joining in will be enough to have my fellow citizens denounce ME openly. For those who scoff that America will never become so ugly, I hope you are right.  I once thought the church would be a place that promotes peace and advocates for the poor, but reality has dissuaded me of that notion.  Once the church has gone off the rails (and it has) what will keep the whole country from following?

PS The congressman's words were wrong anyway!  The Constitution of the United States of America clearly calls for the role of Speaker of the House.   "The House of Representatives shall chuse their Speaker and other Officers; and shall have the sole Power of Impeachment."   You can read the entire text of the Constitution of the United States of America online here:  www.usconstitution.net

How can you "not believe in" reality?

This is such a great post that I'm linking to, very long though so I won't say much myself in addition to passing on the link.

For many years, when I believed that being homosexual was a sin rather than a sliver of humanity like being tall, prone to freckle, or having exceptional athletic ability, I could not understand why the rest of the world considered my opinion "hate".   I was very offended at being called full of hate.

 "No!" I would say, parroting the evangelical line, "I don't hate gay people, I hate the sin of homosexuality.  I love the people.  And anyway, why do you care that I think it's a sin?  How I live my life is none of the community-at-large's business.  I have freedom of religion!"

Of course I would never say that about my son's freckles*:

"Oh I love my son, I just hate his freckles.  If only he would stop freckling and tan like normal people he would find freedom and joy.  As soon as he stops freckling, he will be accepted and welcomed.  But first he needs to stop that unnatural freckling.  It's a sin to freckle, the Bible says so: just plug "without spot" into Bible Gateway King James Version and it's all there  plain as day.  Sacrifices with spots were unacceptable; Paul says in Ephesians that the Lord is only coming for a bride without spot.** No spots allowed.  All he has to do is stop freckling.  There are even ministries that will help him choose to stop freckling, or at least help him come to grips with the fact that he must live his entire life indoors, while wearing heavy sunscreen, so no one ever knows that he freckles."

Here's the link:

Why "I don't believe in that" is unacceptable

* When the creators of South Park decided to create an episode that pointed out the ridiculousness of excluding and condemning people based on unchangeable human characteristics, they chose this same scenario.  Instead of inspiring people to stop the exclusion and ridicule, American school children began to bully people with freckles too.  The Ginger Kids episode, meant to expose the stupidity of intolerance and abuse, instead brought about an internet campaign, Kick a Ginger Day, that promoted violence against people with red hair and freckles.  Google "kick a ginger day" and "hug a ginger day" to see how bad it actually got.

**(and without wrinkles too: does this mean women who have cosmetic surgery are sanctified, while women with wrinkles are not?  New moral dilemma!  Ack!).

Bullies: It's not just a school problem

Taylor Swift captured the essence of bullying in her song "Mean".  P!nk minsters directly to the heart of the bullied in her song "F**kin' Perfect".  Both songs are huge hits.  Unfortunately, it's because bullying is such a huge part of the American experience.  With 84% of Americans claiming adherence to religious faith, and a whopping 78% claiming to be "Christian", why is this?  Could it be that church is where bullies are made, groomed, and continue their post-school reign of terror?

I feel like I am waking up from a bad dream, only to find I'm still dreaming.  That's what it was like at my last church: it was so egalitarian (I thought), welcoming to all (I thought), and finally (I thought) I'd finally found a place where people took the words of Christ seriously.  The reality? I was believing what I wanted to believe. It took the ELCAs vote on ordaining gays in committed relationships to bring the bullying to the surface, but it had always been there. I just ignored it because this particular pastor was at the time very passive aggressive about his hate.  I remember him telling me that I wouldn't like him if I knew him better, following up that he was a Mark Driscoll fan once.  Since I had no idea who Mark Driscoll was, I replied, "Why would that cause me to reject you?  I don't care whose fan you are."

But now I see he was saying, "I believe you are inferior and should be put in your place."  Yep, I wouldn't have liked that if he had come right out and said it, but he is a sneaky sort so he said it in code.  Too bad I didn't know the code.  The fact that the Lutheran church follows a scriptural calendar kept him from preaching a sermon on the need to subjugate women, but if he could have found a way to sneak it in, I would never have caught it.  That's for two reasons.  First, at the time the majority of the congregation would have disagreed with him, and he wants to be liked and popular above all, so he wouldn't have come right out with it.  Second, he is ADD and his sermons rarely seem to have a main point, or even a theme.  I'm pretty sure that's why the ELCA sidetracked him into this little congregation, after he thought he was going to be associate pastor at a huge suburban church in an affluent part of town.  His rambles, if you will,  were always harmless enough, and me and my family could doodle, read our Bibles, look out he window, etc. when he was so vague it was pointless to try to follow.

But leaving the ELCA changed everything.  The tolerant open-hearted people left, but that was not the worst.  The worst part is that the congregation began to grow because the self-righteously offended folks from other ELCA churches,those who also disagreed with the decision to allow ordained gay clergy to enter into lifelong monogamous love relationships (what would be called marriage if it were legal), were looking for a "like-minded" place to "worship".  Now, pastor was popular because of his dark side. No need to hide it anymore. Things changed almost overnight, but I didn't realize it was happening, because I wanted to believe good of my church and my pastor.

Even with his new "friends", like bullies everywhere, he waited to throw his barbs until no one else was around.  When he struck at me he called me late at night on my cell phone.  If I hadn't been in the car, I don't think ANYONE would believe how hateful that "holy man" was to me in private.  As it is, the only people who DO believe it are the people who were actually in the car with me when it happened.  Wow.  Public school all over again.

This has had me thinking a lot lately about church itself, and how much bullying really goes on there.  It happens all the fricking time.  When I look back at the thirty years I have been faithfully involved in American evangelical Christianity, for the most part the best experiences I have ever had have happened when I just showed up, kept my head down and didn't really get involved personally in any other member's life.  Sure we volunteered, and went to special events, etc., but there were no real offers of friendship anywhere.  One of my favorite pastors, who retired since we moved, he was the most compassionate and sincere Christian I ever met, but he wouldn't know what to do with the gay issue.  I know the two churches that have generated from his retirement are not either one places I would attend.  The one with the most loving pastor, that I thought I would like, has in their statement of faith a belief in a 6000 yr old earth and the infamous one man, one woman statement.

As if reality is something you can choose to "believe in" or not!  Evolution, the speed of light, archeology, anthropology, etc. are not on equal ground with the tooth fairy.  You can't just decide your family is going to ignore reality because you don't believe in it!  My Sikh neighbor told me that his religion didn't believe in "that stuff" i.e. gay marriage.  What does he mean?  They don't believe gay people exist?  They don't believe gay people are capable of love?  Or that gay people don't deserve equal protection under the law?  I think he may mean that you can't be openly gay and be accepted in the Sikh religion, but that's not what he said.

But I digress.  The topic is bullying.  When I look back at all my former church experiences, I can plainly see bullying in evidence in each and every one.  I am ashamed to say that since I wasn't personally involved, I played it safe and ignored that it was happening.  So I don't guess I should be surprised that when I got bullied, that's how everyone would treat me.  Why do American recreate their public school experience, which is essentially what church does?  Classroom lecture, check. Posted start and finish times, check.  Take notes, check.  Popular people asked to help the "teacher", check.  Marginalization of the less socially acceptable, check.  Behind the scenes bullying, check.  Churches even have people who will throw you out if you disrupt the service by openly questioning what's going on there.  I have seen it happen.  Mega churches go one further.  Some of their ministry positions include armed security.  Scary stuff.

The big difference though is that church attendance is not legally compulsory.  It does become psychologically compulsory though once you become a part of that world.  Once you're in you know the shame and scorn heaped upon the heads of those who don't attend by the man in the lectern.  Over and over again, from the pulpit, I have heard it: promises of God's reward to those who build their social lives around the church, labels of "lukewarm", "lazy" and "hell-bound" to those those who only come on Sundays, some Sundays, and/or never come at all.

Shame is a powerful motivator.  No one wants to be one of the outcasts.  Everyone wants to be part of the "in" crowd, accepted by the popular people. Once you've heard that connection (the best Christians are here every time the door is open and volunteer and tithe) you want to be in the committed group that God blesses and pastor rewards.  You sure don't want to be rejected by God himself!  Yikes!

The other big difference is that as adults in the church, we pay the very people who bully us!  Oh sure, we really do believe we are giving it to God, not to the pastor directly.  That's the beauty of the whole scam, from the industry perspective.  They teach us that it's our religious duty to pay them, so they can turn around and bully at will from their place of honor at the lectern.  Why do we do that?  There are so many worthy causes our there in the world that could use more funds.  Why do we pay people to self-importantly lord it over us at church?

Finally there is no diploma.  You never graduate.  You might become a teacher's pet and get a moment or two of glory from your own time in the lectern, teaching a Sunday school class or leading a Wednesday service, if you tithe, attend and agree long enough.  Nope, there is no diploma but you do get something in return: the social approval of being a "good Christian".  That is still worth a lot in this country.  If you are in a family like mine or my husband's, it's a minimum requirement for being considered acceptable in the family.  Like trying to get a job without a high school diploma, I don't know if it's possible to get by socially without being a church attender.  I have been in the subculture so long, I have no idea how to get by outside of it.

I am not alone in wanting out, however.  The Barna research group's most recent findings show that:

More than one-quarter of American adults (28%) have left the faith in which they were raised in favor of another religion - or no religion at all. If change in affiliation from one type of Protestantism to another is included, 44% of adults have either switched religious affiliation, moved from being unaffiliated with any religion to being affiliated with a particular faith, or dropped any connection to a specific religious tradition altogether.

The survey finds that the number of people who say they are unaffiliated with any particular faith today (16.1%) is more than double the number who say they were not affiliated with any particular religion as children. Among Americans ages 18-29, one-in-four say they are not currently affiliated with any particular religion.

I interpret the data this way:  44% of people in America have left the place they were bullied in search of a church where bullying does not happen. 28% of them have already figured out that no such place exists.  My two children, both raised on daily devotions, regular church attendance, Christian radio, Bible memory, AWANA, church camp in the summer, the whole evangelical cradle-to-grave, morning-to-night marketing strategy, are among those "one in four".

The "problem" is not improper doctrine formation, bad apologetics, or lack of commitment to Jesus.  The "problem" IS the doctrine, apologetics and the fact that these are an epic fail when one attempts to reconcile them with a sincere devotion to Jesus.  Church and Jesus parted ways a long time ago, around the time of Constantine. Further, home churches and denominational splits are plainly just an attempt to open up new venues to new bullies. They split because it's too crowded at the top, so when a person has enough popularity to strike out on their own, they go for it.  Invariably the new group will still set up pyramids of power, collect  money for those at the top, and bully the ones who aren't playing along the way they should.

I foresee an exodus from organized religion BECAUSE of the rise of evangelical Christianity and its success at setting up a parallel culture.  Their big mistake was keeping the gospels in the Bible.  Anyone who takes the time to look at Jesus closely, His life, His example, and His words, will wind up following Jesus right out the door and into....well, that I am not clear about yet.

That's the scary part.  The evangelical sub-culture has been my whole world for so long.  I don't really know how to live without it. But I am not a part of it anymore.  I believe in Jesus, but not substitutionary atonement, eternal hell, or putting limits on the love of God.  I am unwilling to deny reality on any front, finding reality completely compatible with believing God created reality.  To think that some Bronze Age tribal scribes, or even first century eye-witnesses to the life of Jesus, get to define reality for the rest of us for all time because the God who is amazing enough to create all this complexity spoke to them in their day, well that's just stupid.  I believe Jesus healed an epileptic man who was deaf and dumb; I do not believe that demons cause epilepsy or deafness. (Mark 9: 17-27) I believe Jesus healed a woman with severe osteoporosis; I do not believe osteoporosis is caused by a demon sitting on someone's back and tying them into a hunched over state with invisible ropes.(Luke 13:11-17)

I want to go to church.  I really do.  But I can't "unknow" the things I know.

Peace and good will to all who read here, SS

Spiritual Bullying

Bullying is a big topic among today's youth.  I think a big part of ending bullying, is to get people who are not involved to stand up for the victims.  That's why the whole anti-bullying movement has sprung up, not so much to reform bullies (is that even possible?) but to make bullying itself socially unacceptable.

In my former striving to be uber-righteous and blameless in all things, I had only one answer to being bullied.  Beyond turning the other cheek, it went so far as to advocate to myself that standing up for myself was WRONG.  The proof text came from I Peter 2:21-23:

²¹ For even hereunto were ye called: because Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that ye should follow his steps:

²² Who did no sin, neither was guile found in his mouth:

²³ Who, when he was reviled, reviled not again; when he suffered, he threatened not; but committed himself to him that judgeth righteously:

So, when I was being bullied in a board meeting of our "Christian" home school support group, I didn't take up for myself even though I had done nothing wrong.  I thought the facts would speak for themselves, but guess what REALLY happens when a victim of bullying doesn't stand up for themselves?  Nothing good.  They appear weak and deserving of honorable treatment in the eyes of those looking on.  Maybe, maybe someone's conscience might be urging them to take up for you, but if you won't even take up for yourself, no one else will either.

Years went by without my being subjected to anything remotely like that public attack, until I got involved in my homeowner's association.  I was asked by a neighbor to please join a certain committee, as the people involved were currently control freaks who needed the brakes put on.  All I did was show up and doodle in my notebook as people droned on and got all upset over stupid trivia like shrubs and flower beds.  I was only there to protest any really draconian ideas the committee might come up with.  Everything else about the committee was B-O-R-I-N-G.

So, the night before the third meeting, the chair of the committee came by my house to ask me some questions. We talked on my front porch for about an hour, and even though the person who had asked me to join the committee told me the guy was a snake, I shut the front door feeling that maybe he wasn't as bad as my other neighbor had made him out to be.

The meeting started the next night, and to my great surprise *my notebook* was on the agenda.  The chairman demanded to see it, misrepresented almost everything we talked about the night before, and let me tell you, there must  be a book out there somewhere about how to destroy your enemies in a committee meeting because it was exactly the same scenario as the "Christian" home school support group meeting of almost a decade earlier!  No one, not even the husband of the woman who had asked me to join, took up for me.  But this time, I took up for myself.  I looked around the room at all my fair-weather friends and the lynch mob my neighbors seemed eager to join, and told them all off.  I laughed in their faces, got up and told them they were crazy and I didn't need this shit.  I walked out, and the chair made one more effort to grab my notebook as I walked out the door.  I am not making this up! At that point, one neighbor (whom I didn't even know) took up for me and told the guy to back off as that was assault and he was a witness.  God bless that man!

I guess it must have something to do with the stars, because everything was chill for another few years.  But about eight months ago, I was bullied again, this time by  a "man-o-gawd". I was bullied by the pastor of the Lutheran church that you have read me praise repeatedly in many posts over the past  few years.  I was always welcome, celebrated even, in my congregation, that is until I began to disagree with the pastor too many times.

Once the issue of civil unions for gay couples came up, (I am in favor of legal rights for all citizens, while the pastor is strongly against it) suddenly everything I said or did ruffled pastors feathers.  He would get really pissy with any comments I made on facebook that could possibly be taken the wrong way, and he had to really want to be offended to get there!  It was plain that he just didn't like me or trust my intentions anymore.  Moreover, the makeup of the whole congregation was changing.  People who I loved and admired were leaving, and new people (people who were offended by the ELCA ordaining gay clergy in committed relationships) were joining the church.  It was leaning decidedly toward fundamentalism more and more every week.

The final offence came last October. I was explaining the fallacy of guilty by association to a less-bright fellow parishioner on my facebook wall.  I support the Occupy movement, and someone had been raped in the Occupy Wall Street campground (after weeks of no problems, pretty impressive for NYC really!).  The other person had gleefully linked to the news article and posted it on my facebook wall with a comment that I was supporting rape.  I replied, pointing out that one person committing a crime did not make the protest itself nor any other protestor a bad person. I explained that this was the fallacy of "guilty by association". The example I gave was pointing out that even though someone from our church had been convicted of manslaughter, that didn't make everyone at our church out to be some kind of criminal too.

My pastor read that on my wall, and he was livid.  

Here is an email I wrote to an internet clergy shortly after the evening:

I only know you from your blog, but I appreciate you very much.  I am from <a midwestern state> and learned the foundation for everything I know about God from my <midwestern> roots.  As a child, I remember learning that Jesus was the main point of the Bible, the life and words of Christ were the lens through which all the rest of scripture was to be read.  As the Father God made clear on the Mount of  Transfiguration, Moses, the prophets and the apostles were nowhere near equal in status to Jesus, the Beloved Son.  I also am pretty clear on the idea that God wants a personal relationship with each of us, that the same Holy Spirit that dwells in me dwells in you, Jesus (not any other person) is the Head of the church and that He is also the Good Shepherd.  We have no need of any other person save the Person of Christ for our salvation.  Rather all of our relationships with other Christians flow out of obedience to Christ: He commands us to serve one another in love, to share communion, to bear one another’s burdens.  All in a believer’s life is to flow out of their personal walk with God, which of course includes personal worship, study and prayer.

But now, I can’t put my finger on where exactly I learned these ideas or why no one is teaching this anymore that I can see.

My dedication to Jesus and the Great Command has compelled me to some radical things lately-all involve listening to people.  I decided to stop deciding a matter before hearing both sides.  All of my knee-jerk positions on all the right wing political positions I had adopted were up for re-evaluation:  abortion, adoption, racial reconciliation, homosexuality, taxes, social programs, health care.  I listened to real stories from real people, and changed a lot of my political positions because of it, carefully measuring everything against the Word.  I have a 4.0 in twelve credits from Moody: Bible Study I, Old Testament Survey and New Testament Survey, plus countless hours of Community Bible Study, Bible Study Fellowship, Kay Arthur studies, Beth Moor studies, and innumerable other well-respected programs designed to teach one to “rightfully divide” the Bible.  My first purchase after rededicating my life to Christ in 1981 was a Strong's Concordance.  I am no intellectual lightweight either, carrying a 4.0 in all of my college classes, including the ones in which I am currently enrolled.

But now I have a great dilemma.  No  one minded my outspoken advocacy for the traditional religious right politics, but when I started caring about social issues from a more thoughtful position, people in my church became very uncomfortable with me.  It has culminated last night with my pastor calling me to rail about a facebook post I made supporting the Occupy movement.  While he had every right to call me and talk to me about anything he thinks might reflect unfavorably on his church (I don’t think it did but he sure felt very strongly about it), even ask me to remove it (which I did because of the passage to do all that lies with me to keep peace), he had no right to yell at me, talk over me and falsely accuse me of motives that he only assumed.  He wound up “rebuking” me for words I never spoke, and when I insisted I never said such things, he called me a liar.  Wow.  At that point I had to tell him he had crossed a line and I needed to end the conversation.

Now I finally get to my dilemma: obviously I am not welcome at my church.  Nor do I believe I have any spiritual obligation to let this man further abuse me.  He seems to think I owe him the privilege to yell at me and ascribe bizarre attitudes and motivations to me which are not mine because he is my pastor.  I am lucky in that when he called, my whole family was in the car and the call was picked up on Bluetooth.  Otherwise, it would be my word against his, but as it is, my husband and teen son are witnesses to all of it- his ranting and my reasonable calm responses.  We were all shocked.

Nothing like this has ever happened to me before.  I have heard of similar happening to other people, and I always wondered why they just didn’t leave and find a new church.  But now I do understand, because the odds of me finding a church that teaches the gospel as it was first presented to me is so small.  I don’t think I want to put myself through a long process of getting to know new pastors and congregations.  It is just no longer worth it to me.  I never thought I would ever, in a million years, become a walk-away from church.  Church attendance is supposed to be a place where we come together to worship our mutual Savior, share communion and pray for one another.

Well, it’s not your problem, and I don’t know why I am bothering you with this.  I guess it’s because you seem to genuinely care for the people loved by God.  It’s also, I think, a tellingly sad situation for the church in America when a person such as myself, avid attender and long time tither, just no longer wants to take a chance on American Christendom.  I home schooled, had daily devotions with my children, taught Sunday school and Bible studies, joined the small groups, took part in the missions, organized VBS- if it was a way to be involved in church, I have done it.

Sorry for taking so much of your time. Normally this is the sort of thing one would talk to a pastor about, but of course you can understand why that is not an option for me.

Shadowspring

So, here's the thing.  Not only has that man not apologized for ranting at me and calling me a liar, he never will.  He used to offer his phone at communion for anyone who wanted to make right a broken relationship, but breaking relationship with me is apparently okay by him.  He has offered communion to his congregation every Sunday since that last week of October, 2011, but my phone has never rung.  Apparently telling me off and ending our relationship doesn't bother his conscience at all.

Not only that, but when I made a member of the council aware of what happened, she cooly told me that she didn't hadn't asked to know.  Seriously, she meant it.  Our family disappearing bothers no one.  We can go to hell for all they care, as they know they represent the kingdom of God on earth and we are not welcome with them.  It's so....unChristlike, so heartless.

Anyway, it's only all coming back to me now because the congregation, including the pastor, is love-bombing a kid that I have loved like my own.  I have known this kid for eight years, stood by him every step of those eight years, included him in our lives like he was family, and the only reason anyone from that church knows this kid exists is because my family brought him to church with us.  I know they are love-bombing him with the intention of sucking him back into their congregation, but it hurts to see it.

It hurts even more that when I tried to talk to the kid about it, he basically told me that he didn't care how pastor had treated us.  That was none of his business.  The man hadn't done anything to him personally, and he appreciated the flattery and the offers of friendship. Love-bombing works; that's why cults/churches engage in it.

Wow.  I don't give a damn what happens to that pastor or that congregation, though the shadenfreude would be sweet if I ever hear of evil coming his way.  God knows the man deserves a comeuppance.  I gave ten per cent of my family income so he could make sweet money (almost double national average for pastor's salaries, though probably about average for my wealth-worshipping city) and drive a sweet ride (Mustang convertible, courtesy of church car allowance).  Once he had new sources of income (those taking their marbles and leaving the ELCA because they don't believe Jesus can love or bless gay relationships), he dumped us like a hot potato.  Love-bombing the kid they KNOW I count as a son is just adding insult to injury.

I know it's intentional too.  I know because they tried to do the same with my roomie Jai, but she didn't fall for it.  It is so ugly, and so wrong.

Why are God's people so effing mean?

Reckless Procreation

Recently I had a friend contact me about raising money for the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation.  I personally have a chronic respiratory ailment, though it rarely affects my daily life.  The reason that my ailment is not much of a problem in my life is because medical science spent truckloads of money trying to find a cure in recent decades.  Failing that, they sought and succeeded to make the illness manageable.  So, this request to help raise money to cure a respiratory ailment is one for which I have a personal affinity.  Plus my friend has such a good heart.  It should have been a no-brainer for me to open my wallet and hand out a donation.

However, in her attempt to both be honest and move potential donors to compassion, she revealed that the family in whose honor she is raising money has two children with cystic fibrosis.  Two children with cystic fibrosis?  Two?

I know a little about cystic fibrosis.  One of my friends from the past works as a respiratory therapist.  I personally *love* respiratory therapists, as their appearance in the ER when I was a child were a signal to me that I would be able to breathe again soon.  If you know a respiratory therapist IRL, give them a hug for me!

Once when I was telling her how much I appreciated her profession, I followed up with a question about what was the hardest part of her job.  I was expecting an answer like, "when a kid throws up in response to the steroids".  Instead, she said that caring for her CF patients was the hardest part.  It is hard because she is compassionate, kind and loves children.  It is hard because she KNOWS her CF patients will someday die, drowning on their own mucus secretions, and in the end, she can't stop this from happening.

What a horrible death.  At the time, I didn't know what caused CF, mostly because no one in my family has CF and I had no training whatsoever in the medical field.  Since then, I have come to learn that CF is a genetic disorder, and while it is not curable, it IS preventable.  A quick google search turns up this:

Gene that causes CF identified

This was in 1989.  These children my friend loves are now in junior high and high school, so born after 1995.  Plus I am assuming they are more than a year apart, so wouldn't they have known their first child had CF before they conceived their second child?

Since science has known that it takes two recessive genes,  one from each parent, for a child to develop CF, since 1989 and these children were conceived after 1989, what gives?  As a person who has faced the terror of almost dying from a respiratory condition, it seems horrendously cruel to play Russian roulette with the second child's life by conceiving again without genetic testing or IVF to prevent another child from being born with CF.

Which is where my moral dilemma began. You see, I have known more than a few incredibly selfish mothers who were more interested in their own righteousness (as one of God's breeders) than in the health and well-being of their children.  I know a family with three, yes three, Down's Syndrome daughters conceived by a young mother.  They were "trusting God with their wombs" and so even after the first rare genetic abnormality they kept getting pregnant.  When it happened a second time, they still did not stop getting pregnant.  Their third child was also born with Down's, which is really rare in young mothers.  And still they continued to roll the dice and get pregnant! Their fourth child, a son, was normal.   He is a wonderful human being, but what a burden that kid will bear the rest of his life!  His mom developed breast cancer shortly after his birth, so no more children.  She beat it once, but succumbed after it returned a second time.  The care of his three older sisters now rest on her only son's and his father's shoulders.  Once his father dies, it will all be on him. But of course, it is all God's will, right?

Another one of these hypocritically "pro-life" moms posted on facebook a press release heralding the Santorums as heroes for mom's aging eggs* producing a Trisomy-18 child.  There is nothing heroic about continuing to get pregnant after thirty-five when you already have children!  The ONLY reason a woman would do that is in some misguided attempt to "fulfill God's will", i.e. seek her own righteousness and glory in being pregnant- AGAIN.  The more children she has, the holier she can  tell herself that she is.  No matter that she is gambling with someone else's life!  If she has a child with a horrific genetic abnormality, it's God's responsibility, not hers!  (These same people no doubt use seat belts, take antibiotics, and wouldn't skydive without a parachute, trusting that God's will be done.  They won't take those sort of foolish risks with their own life, but with a child's?  No problem.)

Are the Santorums heroes for rushing to the hospital each time their Trisomy 18 child needs to be admitted? Hell NO!  They are goats for cursing her with this disease.  They willfully and knowingly continued to get pregnant when it is clearly proven that older eggs are at much higher risk for producing people with this torturous disease.  They want kudos for this?!?!?!  YES THEY DO!  They think they are heroes for their reckless procreation.

Which is why, when I read that a family has two children with cystic fibrosis, I get angry.  Those parents are not clueless about what causes cystic fibrosis. All high school biology books teach about Punnett squares.  It's easy to see that if you have had one CF child, there is a 25% chance your next child will have it too, and a 50% chance that they will not develop the disease but will themselves be carriers.  There is only a one in four chance they will have a child not affected by the CF gene at all.

Would you put your child on a roller coaster that kills one out of four riders?  How about buy a car that explodes in ball of flame 25% of the time?  Feed your child a snack that causes every fourth child who eats it excruciating pain followed by a slow death?  No? Neither would I.

That's what took me so long to donate.  I don't want to promote a religious culture of reckless procreation.  I can't imagine getting pregnant again with the same father after giving birth to a child with CF, not unless we used IVF to eliminate the possibility of having a child with CF.  And since IVF sounds really creepy to me (Long needles through my abdomen?  I don't think I could do it.), I would probably adopt if I wanted more children.  But maybe I'd just stop, and pour my life into helping my sick child and raising money for CF research.

I went ahead and donated.  My friend loves this family, and that is enough reason for me to give.  These children are already here, and I honestly and sincerely hope a cure is developed in their lifetime. And hey, at least they stopped at two children, right?  If they were QF, they might have gone right on having more and more children.

But still, we need to stop the reckless procreation. We need to stop the people who advocate reckless procreation.  God is not honored by your denial masquerading as faith.  God is not honored when you make stupid choices and take reckless chances and excuse it with some religious dogma.  No outsider is impressed with anything but your disregard for the lives of your children, and that is not a favorable impression.

How can we stop this reckless procreation without shaming the mothers who were duped by the lame religious arguments? Those mothers don't need shamed, they need empowered to do what's right. I don't know.  If you or someone you know fits this description, I do not intend to shame you for having been deceived.

We do need to expose the people who conned you, though.  And we do need to send a clear message that most of America ain't buying what they're selling.

STOP the reckless procreation.  STOP blaming God for the choices people make.  And for God's sake, STOP gambling with other people's lives in a sad attempt to impress the world with your faith.  


No one is applauding.

*"Advanced maternal age is a risk factor for Trisomy 18."  A quote from here: Older mothers have higher risk of genetic birth defects .  How bad is Trisomy 18?  Horrible, a fate no one should choose for any child.

Bigotry Unleashed

Christians Unleash Their Bigotry in Public  now that polls lead them to believe that their opinion is popular. This is what hate looks like in a suit, boys and girls.  And this is why America MUST throw "conservatives" out of office, as fast as we can.  They are eager, EAGER to codify their hatred into law.  Forget the economy; living in a fascist totalitarian system is untenable under any economic circumstance.

Hatred in the name of Jesus.  Is there anything uglier under the sun?  I don't think so.

Psalm 11:3

If the foundations be destroyed, what can the righteous do?

What can we do?  How can we fight this new outbreak of hatred in the church?  It has happened before here in America, and our track record is not good.  The mighty Southern Baptist Convention was FOUNDED on the premise that slavery was "Biblical".  I kid you not.  They preached that it was "Biblical" for devout Christians to engage in the business of buying, selling and enslaving black people.  What's worse, they had the scripture to back it up!


They had dozens of proof-texts to back it up.  The apostle Paul didn't censure the practice of slavery; he gave instructions to slave owners and slaves alike.  The Bible was their justification for the practice of slavery, AND for the years of racist bigotry that followed.  They didn't even apologize for their wicked actions until 1995!  Note that this came on the 150th anniversary of the founding of the Southern Baptist convention.

1995 SBC Apology

Why the SBC was founded


Note:  I can't link to the actual SBC website about the reasons for founding the SBC because they don't mention it.  Their history link starts out, "Since the founding...1895..."  No mention that they seceded from the American Baptists over the issue of slavery.  My (racist) grandmother was a lifelong Southern Baptist. She lived her whole life in Oklahoma, a hotbed of the Ku Klux Klan during her lifetime.  Here is a snapshot of Oklahoma life in the early half of the twentieth century.  The Ku Klux Klan billed itself as a Christian organization, and that makes it a Christian organization.  I refuse to link to their website, but here is the opening statement you will find there even today:

"There is a race war against whites. But our people - my white brothers and sisters - will stay committed to a non-violent resolution. That resolution must consist of solidarity in white communities around the world. The hatred for our children and their future is growing and is being fueled every single day. Stay firm in your convictions. Keep loving your heritage and keep witnessing to others that there is a better way than a war torn, violent, wicked, socialist, new world order. That way is the Christian way - law and order - love of family - love of nation. These are the principles of western Christian civilization. There is a war to destroy these things. Pray that our people see the error of their ways and regain a sense of loyalty. Repent America! Be faithful my fellow believers. "  National Director of The Knights, Pastor Thomas Robb

Because of the Civil Rights Movement of the 1960s, and only because of the Civil Rights movement of the 1960s,  it is illegal to discriminate against people on the basis of race.  But racism itself is still ALIVE AND WELL in the Christian community here in the South where I live.  The woman with the Ten Commandments proudly posted on her shop wall showed her bigotry in casual conversation with me, a white woman.  The women from the Evangelical Presbyterian church I visited warned me against sending my daughter to public school, lest she wind up pregnant with a "mixed baby", alternately referred to as a "mulatto" by the older woman who spoke to me about it.  I happen to have a religious painting on my wall with one of my favorite scriptures in calligraphy under a painting of a grandfather and grandson rocking in a porch swing.  On several occasions, white Christians have been offended by my owning such a painting, and grilled me on why I would want such a thing.  My black friends call it "living room racism", meaning racism that stays hidden until the racist feels like they are in a safe place to let their true beliefs about race show.

All those people were Christians, and they keep their hate under wraps because they KNOW it is socially unacceptable to let it out. However, with this new minority to hate, the GLBT community, recent polls show that the majority of Americans share their predjudice.  One day after this news release from Gallup polls, "Majority of Americans oppose same sex marriage" we have a Virginia legislator recruiting other law-makers to join him in black-balling a gay appointee for a judgeship because " if you have a bar room fight between a homosexual and heterosexual, I’m concerned about possible bias."


Friends, this kind of open bigotry only comes out when haters believe their bigotry is shared by the majority.


For those of us who don't really want to be crusaders, or, like me, who fear professional backlash for coming out openly and publicly in support of LGBT rights, we don't have the option of silence anymore.  Remaining silent is giving tacit approval to the hate.  The religious right has declared war on LGBT people (and on women as well, but that's another post).  We who are committed to obeying the commands of JESUS will have to take a public stand at some point for the LGBT community.  I'm praying about when/how/what to do personally, and I hope you'll join me.  


Peace to all who read here, SS