I am both horrified and and strangely encouraged by the term “faith suicide”. Horrified for what should be obvious reasons, since my relationship with the Father, Son and Holy Spirit is life itself to me. Strangely encouraged because at least some few people are starting to understand that it is the fundamentalist rigidity and poor reasoning that are responsible for what is happening to our youth.
I am a Christian home school mom. I started home schooling (as any home schooling purist would say! ;-) ) on the day my first child was born. I was attracted to home schooling as a nurturing, creative, possibility-filled, liberating way to raise and teach a child. All of this is possible for a home school, and many people choose to home school for this reason.
(I am a Christian, and passing my faith on to my children is as important to me as any Christian parent. However, it was never my primary motivation for home schooling, as home schooling is not necessary to passing on the faith. A genuine living relationship with the Living Lord of Love is the only thing necessary to passing on your faith. That is something all Christians should live daily, regardless of who teaches their children their ABCs.)
BUT, once you start exploring the religious branches of the home school sub-culture, especially the “Christian” support groups, curricula, seminars, etc., you quickly find that it is a rigid, doctrinaire, fear-based lifestyle. Ken Hamm rules in this world. Apologetics are taught in every spelling lesson, math workbook, history text, and especially in what passes for science education. The most popular high school science textbooks supplier is even called Apologia.
I am a curious person, and I watched closely the families that had gone before me. One thing I began to notice after only a few years in the home school community, was that children were not turning out to be the principled holy warrior world changers the home school prophets were promising. I noticed quite a few home school grads starting families awfully young and not according to script, i.e. out of wedlock, and certainly outside of mom and dad’s master plan for the lives of their young people.
So what was the religious home school community's answer to this? More control! Vision Forum sprang up, and scared parents willingly shelled out the money and started putting a stricter milieu control into the lives of their children.
And now, what am I seeing? Starting a family young and outside of mom and dad’s master plan is the least of the home school community's problems. (That can hardly even be called a problem, if one believes in a God of grace and a life of faith, now can it?)
Cutting, eating disorders, suicide attempts, substance abuse, and atheism are (some of) the products of this impossible to survive religious paradigm. These are real problems. The insanity of trying to live up to impossible standards destroys hearts. The madness of denying the realities of life and trying to distort it all to fit into the doctrinal constraints of fundamentalist demands takes a toll on young minds. The spirits of these children are starved for the unconditional love Jesus spoke of, yet is rarely manifested in the daily experience of rigidly religious families.
It is this rigidity of thought and coldness of heart that is destroying the faith of our children. 61% of our young people are leaving the church? Jesus said in John 6:37 “All that the Father gives me will come to me, and whoever comes to me I will never drive away.”
So who IS driving these children away? Clearly it's NOT Jesus.
Rigid ideologues are driving their own children out of the faith. They are doing so by relentlessly insisting on a more and more stringent belief system. YE creationism is at the heart of this movement, but is only one example of doctrinal demands trumping truth and damning any deviation from the family party line.
Ironically, the tighter controls they are taught are necessary to keep their children in the faith are the very thing that is causing their children to reject the faith. These youth are not rejecting Jesus, they are rejecting the false Jesus and his ridiculously narrow and mean- spirited dogma that their parents are presenting to them.
These same parents insist that anything less than complete agreement with the whole paradigm is apostasy. So when broken and discouraged young people finally realize that there is no earthly way possible to be happy and healthy in that paradigm, they choose apostasy. The teaching allows for no other options.
Tragically, those late-comers to this fear based lifestyle are calling for the rest of the church to follow in the footsteps of these home school train wrecks: Why Young People Are Leaving The ChurchThis author thinks parents need to dominate their children's thought and social lives more completely, and that will solve the problem. Insanity.
YE creationsim is responsible for creating more atheists than Darwin himself, from where I sit. And that is just the beginning of the problem. Total subordination of women, adults living as children under their father’s “authority” for the rest of their lives, no birth control, women can’t work outside the home, college is evil, it’s considered sinful to work for anyone other than yourself, the medical community can’t be trusted- the list of verboten thoughts and practices just keeps getting longer and longer.
Total milieu control and attempted total thought control of our children will not produce disciples in love with Jesus and passionately devoted to Him for a lifetime. When successful, it will produce automatons who parrot back what their parents and church taught them to say. Only God knows if that can even be called "faith". If you have never had any real choice about what to believe...
But mostly it will fail, and produce angry, defiant, hurting and broken people who will logically conclude, if faith in God is so weak that it requires total isolation and continual indoctrination to survive, then it’s a sham.
Well, I have gone on long enough, but it is a subject I am passionate about. It is very encouraging that others see how damaging and destructive this rigid ideology is to the future of the church.
Showing posts with label Gothard. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Gothard. Show all posts
Saturday, October 16, 2010
Faith Suicide (or is it homocide?)
This blog post started as a response to this blog post at The Wartburg Watch. The author of that post coined the term "faith suicide" for the phenomenon that the Barna group recently uncovered. The cold hard truth revealed was that 61% of young adults stop going to church once they leave their parent's home. Here is my reply on that blog. Comments that I added later as I edited it for my post are all in italics:
Friday, August 27, 2010
An Apology for Doing/Saying Nothing
To all the defrauded daughters and sacrificed sons of patriarchal home schools, I apologize for doing and saying nothing on your behalf.
I deeply and sincerely regret not speaking up for you when I had the chance. It might have made no difference in your parents' lives and the way they treated you, but at the very least it would have been one (more?) outside voice validating you as a person. I know how powerful that is, as a suffering child, to have someone say to (or even merely about) your parents "this is wrong!"
As a home school parent and a libertarian, I tend to be live-and-let-live about all strange (to me) doctrines and practices. You want to eat only organic? Fine by me. You can't go out unless you have make-up and high heels? Dress however you feel like dressing. Your dream is to build your own house in and live off the grid? Build away. Diversity is a good thing, I would tell myself. Live and let live.
I had the same cavalier attitude about religion and philosophy, but now that I have seem up close how it destroys lives, I am ashamed of my silent tolerance of religious craziness in the home school community. Yes, I mean the whole "keep women ignorant and pregnant, silent at church and hard-pressed at home, hidden away under Daddy's watchful eye until/unless Daddy can add a new member to the family cult" subculture known as "quiverfull", "biblical patriarchy" or "movement home schoolers".
I regret saying nothing to those parents who were falling under it's spell. In fact I went out of my way to avoid them, to my shame.
I regret every time I saw a women in a head covering and a long dress at a home school meeting and ignored her. I regret not looking to befriend her so she could see a better life in someone else. I might have been able to say, at least once, that the path she was on was a dead end, dangerous, with ravening wolves pretending to be shepherds flanking both sides of the journey.
I regret not whispering in a teen's ear as they passed by me in a vendor hall that YOU DESERVE BETTER.
I regret not standing up in a crowded lecture hall to heckle a speaker promoting this patriarchal garbage. Some one should "speak truth to power"! I regret that it was not me.
An apology is so lame, but at this point, it's all I have to offer. This is probably my last year home schooling, and it's been years since I went to a convention or attended a support group meeting. I am not a voice in the home school community, like Karen Campbell. I have no real personal experience as a daughter of patriarchy, like Hillary McFarland or even as a former parent of patriarchy like Vickye Garrison.
So, if by chance a mom, son or daughter of patriarchy ever lands on my blog, know that I very much regret not doing or saying anything to stop the madness. I should have stood up for you, and I did not. Please check out the above links, and send them to anyone you know still caught in the religious destruction that is the Movement. Maybe some of these kind people will be able to help.
Mea culpa.
I deeply and sincerely regret not speaking up for you when I had the chance. It might have made no difference in your parents' lives and the way they treated you, but at the very least it would have been one (more?) outside voice validating you as a person. I know how powerful that is, as a suffering child, to have someone say to (or even merely about) your parents "this is wrong!"
As a home school parent and a libertarian, I tend to be live-and-let-live about all strange (to me) doctrines and practices. You want to eat only organic? Fine by me. You can't go out unless you have make-up and high heels? Dress however you feel like dressing. Your dream is to build your own house in and live off the grid? Build away. Diversity is a good thing, I would tell myself. Live and let live.
I had the same cavalier attitude about religion and philosophy, but now that I have seem up close how it destroys lives, I am ashamed of my silent tolerance of religious craziness in the home school community. Yes, I mean the whole "keep women ignorant and pregnant, silent at church and hard-pressed at home, hidden away under Daddy's watchful eye until/unless Daddy can add a new member to the family cult" subculture known as "quiverfull", "biblical patriarchy" or "movement home schoolers".
I regret saying nothing to those parents who were falling under it's spell. In fact I went out of my way to avoid them, to my shame.
I regret every time I saw a women in a head covering and a long dress at a home school meeting and ignored her. I regret not looking to befriend her so she could see a better life in someone else. I might have been able to say, at least once, that the path she was on was a dead end, dangerous, with ravening wolves pretending to be shepherds flanking both sides of the journey.
I regret not whispering in a teen's ear as they passed by me in a vendor hall that YOU DESERVE BETTER.
I regret not standing up in a crowded lecture hall to heckle a speaker promoting this patriarchal garbage. Some one should "speak truth to power"! I regret that it was not me.
An apology is so lame, but at this point, it's all I have to offer. This is probably my last year home schooling, and it's been years since I went to a convention or attended a support group meeting. I am not a voice in the home school community, like Karen Campbell. I have no real personal experience as a daughter of patriarchy, like Hillary McFarland or even as a former parent of patriarchy like Vickye Garrison.
So, if by chance a mom, son or daughter of patriarchy ever lands on my blog, know that I very much regret not doing or saying anything to stop the madness. I should have stood up for you, and I did not. Please check out the above links, and send them to anyone you know still caught in the religious destruction that is the Movement. Maybe some of these kind people will be able to help.
Mea culpa.
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Blot on our Home School Reputation
You know what is the absolutely most stupid way you can possibly live in this world and make decisions? First, surround yourself with people who think exactly like you do. Allow no deviation in any area.
Next, add to the disdain and pity you have for those poor people outside of your little world a strong dose of paranoia. It will be easy to convince yourself of this need because you never have anything to do with them.
Finally, make all of your decisions in life by following the patterns of the few people you have allowed in your life. So, while you continually stroke one another's egos in this mutual admiration society, and congratulate one another for your dedication to be set apart from the rest of humanity, you will be blissfully oblivious until the day reality smacks you upside the head with a major course correction.
Proverbs 18:1 An unfriendly man pursues selfish ends;
he defies all sound judgment. (NIV)
Proverbs 18:1 Through desire a man, having separated himself, seeketh and intermeddleth with all wisdom (KJV)
Proverbs 18:1 Loners who care only for themselves spit on the common good. (The Message)
Proverbs 18:1 HE WHO willfully separates and estranges himself [from God and man] seeks his own desire and pretext to break out against all wise and sound judgment. (Amplified Bible)
I am just so mad I could spit right now at all those foolish, foolish home school families who operate outside the law. I don't have time to look up all the verses about honoring the king, obeying the civil authorities as agents of God, the example of Jesus in honoring civic requirements like the census at his birth and paying taxes. Nor all the scriptures about loving our neighbor, having good relationships with our neighbors, living in such a way that outsiders will recognize God in our lives as a good thing, etc. I have way too much to do today, but as time permits I may edit this post to actually add references.
Home school families who operate outside the law are NOT practicing noble civic disobedience! Get off your high horse, if you are one of those people. All you are doing is crippling your children's opportunities in life. It is cruel, and selfish and is definitely going to cause a huge rift in your relationships with your adult children. And if you hadn't been so arrogant that you refused to have anything to do with all those "other" home schoolers, the "worldly" Christian and the so-called "ungodly", you would have learned that truth without ruining your children's lives and your future relationships with them after they are grown.
I can hear it now. All your daughters will ever do in life is marry a son of the cult you ascribe to, because that's what you all tell each other in your insular little groups. So why does she need a diploma? For some of you, I'm sure it doesn't even matter if she's educated, much less that she have any documentation to prove it. Many sons fare no better, as you have decided your sons will be "entrepeneurs", i.e. will be unable to get a job and will have to think of some other way to keep from starving.
Home school families are for the most part extremely tolerant, as we are asking for a certain amount of leeway from society to do our own thing. Those of us who truly love freedom and education have no problem complying with home school laws. In fact, we welcomed a way to prove the existence of our home education program and show that we are productive members of society. We are not willfully keeping our children ignorant in order to foster their dependence on us or our chosen way of life. We are not selfishly separating from society to pursue our own selfish agenda. We are seeking more freedom for our children, not less. We are seeking a broader, more global education for our children because we believed an institutional classroom too small. We wanted the world for our classroom.
Patriocentric, religious zealots are a blot on our home school reputation. They choose home school in order to limit their children's experience of life, not to expand their opportunities for learning. Patriocentric, religious zealots rarely comply with the law. They believe themselves to be above the law, and teach their children that government is evil, rather than the reality that government exists for the common good so that as a society our mutual needs are met and we can better live in peace with another.
The true goal of a patriocentric home school is to cripple their children intellectually (with a restricted education), socially (no references of common experiences to build upon, no paper trail of an education to gain entry level jobs or higher education), financially and spiritually. Yes, these parents take for themselves the position of God, teaching their children that God speaks through them and that the children can have no relationship with God apart from submission to parents.
Why did we let this take root in our home school communities? How did this happen? And more importantly, how can bona fide home educators clean them up out of our midst?
I know it's a radical thought, but what about calling in truant any "home school" family you know is not in compliance with the law? That seems so unAmerican. We all internalized in public school that a snitch is the worst kind of person. But we are not children any more, and we do not have to fear reprisal from any of these families who are in fact, TRUANT.
Stop and think about it. If the children from these truant homes ever need to get work outside the home, or want to pursue higher education later in life, they will be unable to do so. They will be forced to take the GED to document their knowledge, and the longer it has been since they studied the harder that will be for them. And even if they ace it, there is real discrimination out there in the world against people who took their GED rather than earn a high school diploma. Turning in these families as truant will do the children a huge favor, as their parents will have to face up to how ridiculous their lives and beliefs have become while there is still a chance to help the children.
Oh, eventually life will slap them upside the head. In spite of the "multi-generational" cult lifestyle they believed they had chosen for the children, these children are real people. They are true autonomous human beings.
Eventually each one will discover this truth. When that happens, they will leave the family cult, and step out on their own. And will they be mad! Hoowhee, will they be mad!
Just ask around, or check out Hillary McFarlands new book Quivering Daughter or her blog. Some will figure it out younger than others.
The saddest stories will come from those whose parents married them off into their own patriocentric marriage while they were young. Many of these will not snap out of it until middle age is upon them and they have a house full of children to think about. You can find stories of women already in this boat at No Longer Qivering.
At least these stories are from first generation QF moms, many of whom have a documented education to fall back on in their day of awakening. How much harder will it be for their sons and daughters to rebuild their lives if they do not awaken to reality until they are parents themselves?
Shame, shame, shame on every home school family operating outside the law. Each of the fifty states has legal provisions for home schooling. It is your reasonable duty as a citizen of this country to comply. The home school movement was started by people who valued learning and liberty, then sadly it was co-opted by the religious zealots who have since taken over on many levels. But there is a new wave of home schoolers who value learning and liberty as much as our pioneer home school forerunners. I am appealing to this new wave today.
Call in as truant any family you know of that is operating outside of the law. It is in the best interests of their children, society itself and our own home school reputation. And wherever you live, make sure you are in compliance with the law. If you feel that is too hard for you, then you are not competent enough to be home schooling future citizens of our great country.
And please don't bother to leave a comment that "God gave me these children, so he approves of the way I raise them" or any variation. Any two human beings in a heterosexual relationship, who have no biological impediments and do not use any form of birth control, will reproduce. It is not a sign of God's approval when you get pregnant. It is not a divine intervention.
It's reality. It's biology. It happens all over the world everyday to many people, people of other religions, people of no religion, morally upright people and morally repugnant people. So please, don't even go there. I will be embarrassed for you if you come back with that line.
Next, add to the disdain and pity you have for those poor people outside of your little world a strong dose of paranoia. It will be easy to convince yourself of this need because you never have anything to do with them.
Finally, make all of your decisions in life by following the patterns of the few people you have allowed in your life. So, while you continually stroke one another's egos in this mutual admiration society, and congratulate one another for your dedication to be set apart from the rest of humanity, you will be blissfully oblivious until the day reality smacks you upside the head with a major course correction.
Proverbs 18:1 An unfriendly man pursues selfish ends;
he defies all sound judgment. (NIV)
Proverbs 18:1 Through desire a man, having separated himself, seeketh and intermeddleth with all wisdom (KJV)
Proverbs 18:1 Loners who care only for themselves spit on the common good. (The Message)
Proverbs 18:1 HE WHO willfully separates and estranges himself [from God and man] seeks his own desire and pretext to break out against all wise and sound judgment. (Amplified Bible)
I am just so mad I could spit right now at all those foolish, foolish home school families who operate outside the law. I don't have time to look up all the verses about honoring the king, obeying the civil authorities as agents of God, the example of Jesus in honoring civic requirements like the census at his birth and paying taxes. Nor all the scriptures about loving our neighbor, having good relationships with our neighbors, living in such a way that outsiders will recognize God in our lives as a good thing, etc. I have way too much to do today, but as time permits I may edit this post to actually add references.
Home school families who operate outside the law are NOT practicing noble civic disobedience! Get off your high horse, if you are one of those people. All you are doing is crippling your children's opportunities in life. It is cruel, and selfish and is definitely going to cause a huge rift in your relationships with your adult children. And if you hadn't been so arrogant that you refused to have anything to do with all those "other" home schoolers, the "worldly" Christian and the so-called "ungodly", you would have learned that truth without ruining your children's lives and your future relationships with them after they are grown.
I can hear it now. All your daughters will ever do in life is marry a son of the cult you ascribe to, because that's what you all tell each other in your insular little groups. So why does she need a diploma? For some of you, I'm sure it doesn't even matter if she's educated, much less that she have any documentation to prove it. Many sons fare no better, as you have decided your sons will be "entrepeneurs", i.e. will be unable to get a job and will have to think of some other way to keep from starving.
Home school families are for the most part extremely tolerant, as we are asking for a certain amount of leeway from society to do our own thing. Those of us who truly love freedom and education have no problem complying with home school laws. In fact, we welcomed a way to prove the existence of our home education program and show that we are productive members of society. We are not willfully keeping our children ignorant in order to foster their dependence on us or our chosen way of life. We are not selfishly separating from society to pursue our own selfish agenda. We are seeking more freedom for our children, not less. We are seeking a broader, more global education for our children because we believed an institutional classroom too small. We wanted the world for our classroom.
Patriocentric, religious zealots are a blot on our home school reputation. They choose home school in order to limit their children's experience of life, not to expand their opportunities for learning. Patriocentric, religious zealots rarely comply with the law. They believe themselves to be above the law, and teach their children that government is evil, rather than the reality that government exists for the common good so that as a society our mutual needs are met and we can better live in peace with another.
The true goal of a patriocentric home school is to cripple their children intellectually (with a restricted education), socially (no references of common experiences to build upon, no paper trail of an education to gain entry level jobs or higher education), financially and spiritually. Yes, these parents take for themselves the position of God, teaching their children that God speaks through them and that the children can have no relationship with God apart from submission to parents.
Why did we let this take root in our home school communities? How did this happen? And more importantly, how can bona fide home educators clean them up out of our midst?
I know it's a radical thought, but what about calling in truant any "home school" family you know is not in compliance with the law? That seems so unAmerican. We all internalized in public school that a snitch is the worst kind of person. But we are not children any more, and we do not have to fear reprisal from any of these families who are in fact, TRUANT.
Stop and think about it. If the children from these truant homes ever need to get work outside the home, or want to pursue higher education later in life, they will be unable to do so. They will be forced to take the GED to document their knowledge, and the longer it has been since they studied the harder that will be for them. And even if they ace it, there is real discrimination out there in the world against people who took their GED rather than earn a high school diploma. Turning in these families as truant will do the children a huge favor, as their parents will have to face up to how ridiculous their lives and beliefs have become while there is still a chance to help the children.
Oh, eventually life will slap them upside the head. In spite of the "multi-generational" cult lifestyle they believed they had chosen for the children, these children are real people. They are true autonomous human beings.
Eventually each one will discover this truth. When that happens, they will leave the family cult, and step out on their own. And will they be mad! Hoowhee, will they be mad!
Just ask around, or check out Hillary McFarlands new book Quivering Daughter or her blog. Some will figure it out younger than others.
The saddest stories will come from those whose parents married them off into their own patriocentric marriage while they were young. Many of these will not snap out of it until middle age is upon them and they have a house full of children to think about. You can find stories of women already in this boat at No Longer Qivering.
At least these stories are from first generation QF moms, many of whom have a documented education to fall back on in their day of awakening. How much harder will it be for their sons and daughters to rebuild their lives if they do not awaken to reality until they are parents themselves?
Shame, shame, shame on every home school family operating outside the law. Each of the fifty states has legal provisions for home schooling. It is your reasonable duty as a citizen of this country to comply. The home school movement was started by people who valued learning and liberty, then sadly it was co-opted by the religious zealots who have since taken over on many levels. But there is a new wave of home schoolers who value learning and liberty as much as our pioneer home school forerunners. I am appealing to this new wave today.
Call in as truant any family you know of that is operating outside of the law. It is in the best interests of their children, society itself and our own home school reputation. And wherever you live, make sure you are in compliance with the law. If you feel that is too hard for you, then you are not competent enough to be home schooling future citizens of our great country.
And please don't bother to leave a comment that "God gave me these children, so he approves of the way I raise them" or any variation. Any two human beings in a heterosexual relationship, who have no biological impediments and do not use any form of birth control, will reproduce. It is not a sign of God's approval when you get pregnant. It is not a divine intervention.
It's reality. It's biology. It happens all over the world everyday to many people, people of other religions, people of no religion, morally upright people and morally repugnant people. So please, don't even go there. I will be embarrassed for you if you come back with that line.
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Bill Gothard has negativley affected my life part 2
My twin sister flopped down on her bed, a dreamy look on her face. She was clutching a beautiful down parka to her chest, hugging it like a teddy bear. I sat tentatively on the edge of the bed, swinging my feet that were snugly encased in my new leather boots. They were Christmas presents, unusual Christmas presents. Past Christmases never had expensive or thoughtful gifts, not for "the twins". We got socks and new underwear and inexpensive clothing. But this stuff was quality! So unusual.
We were continuing a conversation that had been going on for three weeks at that point.
"Isn't it beautiful?" my sister squealed as she buried her face in the parka. "See, Mom is changing. I think she finally wants us to have a happy family. I can't believe how nice she is being to us. It's like a dream!" Her blue eyes sparkled with hope, and I loved her in that moment as only a sister can. She was so beautiful, so happy. She was beginning to believe that mom might actually love her.
My heart hurt for her, and I wanted so much to protect her from hoping. It had never ended in anything but disappointment and heartache where my mom was concerned. And yet my sister was so happy right then, how could I crush that? I'd have to be as big a monster as my mom to crush her happiness.
"I hope you're right." I finally offered. "I don't trust her. Something is up. It is not like her to be so kind and thoughtful. I think she's plotting something new."
I looked down at my sweet, tender sister's face. A cloud had come across her joyous expression. Why, God, did my sister have to live with this too? Why couldn't it just be me? I would have given anything to spare her from the pain I knew too well myself.
"But I'm cynical, you know me. You're probably right. It's just hard for me to trust her." I flopped down next to her and stared at the ceiling.
We talked of other things for awhile, and then I crossed the hall to my own room and went to bed. As I lay there drifting off to sleep, I thought maybe, just maybe, my mom had grown a heart. Like the Grinch. Maybe.
BANG BANG BANG
"Get up and get dressed. We have company. Come to the den. Do it NOW!"
The old mom was back. The angry voice, void of anything resembling kindness, the abrupt demands, the expectation of bad attitudes on our part. Oh, God. I immediately thought of my sister. This was going to crush her.
Another piece of my heart broke as I pulled on jeans and a T-shirt. I put on my game face along with my clothes. This was going to be ugly, I knew that much.
I had no idea how ugly it would get.
As I opened my bedroom door and stepped into the hallway I saw my sister. She was so frightened and bewildered. I will never forget the look on her face. Tears are in my eyes as I type this. If God really means it about millstones and drowning for offending little ones, there will literally be hell to pay for what happened next.
Our house was small so it took very little time to get to the den. There in our little den, sat the elders of my mom's fundamentalist church-the same fundamentalist church that took us all in buses to the Gothard seminar.
Oh God, help us! What has she done this time?
I took my sister's hand. I have never seen a more wounded expression on a person's face. I wished I could protect her from whatever evil was about to befall us, but I was as helpless as she was.
If only she hadn't hoped, I thought. Oh sweet sister, why did you trust her? She only ever does evil.
I'm not sure when exactly my brain shut down. I remember the pastor standing up (wicked man!) with his big black Bible. I remember the sectional sofa full of men, all of whom I knew from church. The pastor began to speak in a loud voice.
First he went on about what a godly woman my mom was (Ha! If he only knew.) and how she had tried so hard to raise us for the Lord (Is he talking about the same person?). Then he began to go on about how rebellious we were (True of me, NOT true of my sister!) and finally he got to the Bible reading.
He read from the book of Deuteronomy, chapter 21:
Once he started reading, I checked out. I probably talked over him to my sister, telling her not to listen, that this was bullshit. I don't remember exactly what I said and did, but I do remember shutting out everything that was going on around me.
Seems my mom, who was at best neglectful and at worst violent, whose righteous deeds pretty much consisted of going to church on occasion if she wasn't hung over or spending the night at her boyfriends, had convinced these patriarchs that she was a helpless little woman in need of their protection. Could those big strong elders please come and rescue her from these rebellious ungodly teenagers? And they fell for it: hook, line and sinker.
The real story is that my mom feared my sister and I. She found out that we had recently renewed our relationship with our estranged step-father. She knew that might result in a new custody battle for my little sister. She had to discredit us, and do it quick. Otherwise, we might talk and someone might believe us and then where would she be? No one would leave a child in her home if anyone believed us.
The bottom line, pronounced the pastor, was that we deserved to die for being rebellious to our poor, helpless, uncovered-by-a-man overwrought mother.
But since stoning wasn't legal, we were given two options. Call my step-father to come and get us or they would call the police and have us declared incorrigible (a legal status) by the state and we would go to juvenile justice.
I know enough now to confidently state that the second option was a bluff. We'd never been in trouble with the law for anything serious. I skipped a lot of school one semester, but was back on track at that time. The law in that state about incorrigible youth was intended to get the chronically criminal off the street. We were typical teens, not criminals.
But we didn't know that at the time. The threat seemed very real that day.
We called our (non-religious)step-dad, who came and got us, and that was a temporary fix. My mom never stopped trying to destroy our lives, however, and my step-dad had no idea what to do with teenage daughters. He had been a single workaholic man for the past fifteen years! But he had a heart, praise God, so he showed up for us in our hour of rejection. I will always love him for that.
Eventually my mom would make sure that I wound up in foster care and on my own with nothing when I aged out. My twin sister was dumped on the street at eighteen with nothing, my mom having stolen all the money in my sister's savings account since it was in her name as well. We were completely discredited- homeless high school dropouts. Mom wins again.
The truth is, my mom played those patriarchs like a fiddle. She loved the idea of absolute authority and total submission as long as she was the one in authority- LOL! In her personal life, she honored no one but herself. Not long after she got these people to do her dirty work, she moved on to another job and another city.
The thing about the NPD my mom suffers from is that my mom truly doesn't care. She didn't care if we partied. She didn't care if we went to school. She did not care. She had never tried to win us over to a righteous way of life. It really did not matter to her at all what we did with our time or our lives as long as she was not inconvenienced.
The only thing she cared about was her reputation. It could never get out what kind of monster she truly was, because she has an unyielding need to appear perfect at all times. This was the source of all her rage when she was angry- we had negatively affected her life or reputation in some way and that must never, ever happen. It's a mental illness; I don't think she is capable of change. It's just how she is.
No amount of "godly submission" or a "sweet spirit" on my part would have ever changed her. I don't think there is a medication that could help, and it is the nature of the illness that she will never seek help. She can't admit to anything less than perfection, or her whole psyche will collapse. The fear that people will find out the truth- that at her core being she is lacking essential human qualities like love and empathy- terrifies the NPD woman. Anger at having that veneer of perfection threatened and fear that she will be exposed are the only emotions NPD sufferers ever honestly experience.
The pain of that day never goes away. I recently found out that neither of my other two sisters ever knew what happened that day! My little sister was told we wanted to go live with my Dad. My older sister was already out of the house so that's what mom told her too. Mom must always look perfect. According to her, she was the victim here as we just up and called our step-dad and LEFT HER! Out of the blue!(insert tears here) I only discovered this lie recently and here's how I found out:
To this day my twin sister will have nothing to do with any church or Christianity as a religion. She is deeply wounded emotionally and has suffered greatly from depression and anxiety her whole adult life. My older sister was being very critical of my twin sister for refusing to go to church. So I shared this story with my older sister to explain WHY my twin wouldn't ever go to any church ever again.
That's when my older sister told me that she never knew! Mom kept it a secret for almost thirty years! Incredible. But it makes perfect NPD sense. My mom wouldn't tell my sister the truth, that she had called the church elders and kicked us out complete with a religious ceremony. My sister knew my mom wasn't exactly a devoted Christian and that the whole thing was a scam. Much better to lie and win my sister's sympathy than tell the truth and be scorned.
This is where it continues to be twisted. Life with an NPD never changes. Mom spent a lot of time fostering mistrust between sisters. My older sister asked my younger sister if she knew about this incident. My younger sister did not, but had also heard that we left mom of our own free will. All those years of maligning my character had the intended effect. Even now my sisters hesitate to believe me.
Happily, my step-dad is still alive and he can verify these events. And my best friend at the time still lives in that city, and she can verify those events as she came over right away to say goodbye and help us pack. My mom gave us until my step-father showed up to gather our things and get out. There are witnesses other than those elders and my twin and myself.
So, does everyone get why the nice winter parka and the good leather boots? It was to "bless us" on the way out the door, her pre-emptive gift to the homeless for the coming winter. As a good friend of mine would say later, mom must have been singing inside, "These boots are made for walking, and that's just what they'll do, one of these days these boots are gonna walk all over you."
I haven't looked at the events of that day for a long time. I post them today in solidarity to every daughter who has been kicked out on the streets under religious pretenses.
I post them today in solidarity to every daughter who has seen her siblings suffer and been helpless to protect them from spiritual and emotional abuse.
I post them today in solidarity to every daughter who has been lied about to her siblings by manipulative parents who want to keep the truth hidden and the exiled daughter a pariah.
I am not a Quiverfull daughter. But I totally empathize with those who are. You have my unflinching support.
We were continuing a conversation that had been going on for three weeks at that point.
"Isn't it beautiful?" my sister squealed as she buried her face in the parka. "See, Mom is changing. I think she finally wants us to have a happy family. I can't believe how nice she is being to us. It's like a dream!" Her blue eyes sparkled with hope, and I loved her in that moment as only a sister can. She was so beautiful, so happy. She was beginning to believe that mom might actually love her.
My heart hurt for her, and I wanted so much to protect her from hoping. It had never ended in anything but disappointment and heartache where my mom was concerned. And yet my sister was so happy right then, how could I crush that? I'd have to be as big a monster as my mom to crush her happiness.
"I hope you're right." I finally offered. "I don't trust her. Something is up. It is not like her to be so kind and thoughtful. I think she's plotting something new."
I looked down at my sweet, tender sister's face. A cloud had come across her joyous expression. Why, God, did my sister have to live with this too? Why couldn't it just be me? I would have given anything to spare her from the pain I knew too well myself.
"But I'm cynical, you know me. You're probably right. It's just hard for me to trust her." I flopped down next to her and stared at the ceiling.
We talked of other things for awhile, and then I crossed the hall to my own room and went to bed. As I lay there drifting off to sleep, I thought maybe, just maybe, my mom had grown a heart. Like the Grinch. Maybe.
BANG BANG BANG
"Get up and get dressed. We have company. Come to the den. Do it NOW!"
The old mom was back. The angry voice, void of anything resembling kindness, the abrupt demands, the expectation of bad attitudes on our part. Oh, God. I immediately thought of my sister. This was going to crush her.
Another piece of my heart broke as I pulled on jeans and a T-shirt. I put on my game face along with my clothes. This was going to be ugly, I knew that much.
I had no idea how ugly it would get.
As I opened my bedroom door and stepped into the hallway I saw my sister. She was so frightened and bewildered. I will never forget the look on her face. Tears are in my eyes as I type this. If God really means it about millstones and drowning for offending little ones, there will literally be hell to pay for what happened next.
Our house was small so it took very little time to get to the den. There in our little den, sat the elders of my mom's fundamentalist church-the same fundamentalist church that took us all in buses to the Gothard seminar.
Oh God, help us! What has she done this time?
I took my sister's hand. I have never seen a more wounded expression on a person's face. I wished I could protect her from whatever evil was about to befall us, but I was as helpless as she was.
If only she hadn't hoped, I thought. Oh sweet sister, why did you trust her? She only ever does evil.
I'm not sure when exactly my brain shut down. I remember the pastor standing up (wicked man!) with his big black Bible. I remember the sectional sofa full of men, all of whom I knew from church. The pastor began to speak in a loud voice.
First he went on about what a godly woman my mom was (Ha! If he only knew.) and how she had tried so hard to raise us for the Lord (Is he talking about the same person?). Then he began to go on about how rebellious we were (True of me, NOT true of my sister!) and finally he got to the Bible reading.
He read from the book of Deuteronomy, chapter 21:
18 If a man has a stubborn and rebellious son who does not obey his father and mother and will not listen to them when they discipline him, 19 his father and mother shall take hold of him and bring him to the elders at the gate of his town. 20 They shall say to the elders, "This son of ours is stubborn and rebellious. He will not obey us. He is a profligate and a drunkard." 21 Then all the men of his town shall stone him to death. You must purge the evil from among you. All Israel will hear of it and be afraid.
Once he started reading, I checked out. I probably talked over him to my sister, telling her not to listen, that this was bullshit. I don't remember exactly what I said and did, but I do remember shutting out everything that was going on around me.
Seems my mom, who was at best neglectful and at worst violent, whose righteous deeds pretty much consisted of going to church on occasion if she wasn't hung over or spending the night at her boyfriends, had convinced these patriarchs that she was a helpless little woman in need of their protection. Could those big strong elders please come and rescue her from these rebellious ungodly teenagers? And they fell for it: hook, line and sinker.
The real story is that my mom feared my sister and I. She found out that we had recently renewed our relationship with our estranged step-father. She knew that might result in a new custody battle for my little sister. She had to discredit us, and do it quick. Otherwise, we might talk and someone might believe us and then where would she be? No one would leave a child in her home if anyone believed us.
The bottom line, pronounced the pastor, was that we deserved to die for being rebellious to our poor, helpless, uncovered-by-a-man overwrought mother.
But since stoning wasn't legal, we were given two options. Call my step-father to come and get us or they would call the police and have us declared incorrigible (a legal status) by the state and we would go to juvenile justice.
I know enough now to confidently state that the second option was a bluff. We'd never been in trouble with the law for anything serious. I skipped a lot of school one semester, but was back on track at that time. The law in that state about incorrigible youth was intended to get the chronically criminal off the street. We were typical teens, not criminals.
But we didn't know that at the time. The threat seemed very real that day.
We called our (non-religious)step-dad, who came and got us, and that was a temporary fix. My mom never stopped trying to destroy our lives, however, and my step-dad had no idea what to do with teenage daughters. He had been a single workaholic man for the past fifteen years! But he had a heart, praise God, so he showed up for us in our hour of rejection. I will always love him for that.
Eventually my mom would make sure that I wound up in foster care and on my own with nothing when I aged out. My twin sister was dumped on the street at eighteen with nothing, my mom having stolen all the money in my sister's savings account since it was in her name as well. We were completely discredited- homeless high school dropouts. Mom wins again.
The truth is, my mom played those patriarchs like a fiddle. She loved the idea of absolute authority and total submission as long as she was the one in authority- LOL! In her personal life, she honored no one but herself. Not long after she got these people to do her dirty work, she moved on to another job and another city.
The thing about the NPD my mom suffers from is that my mom truly doesn't care. She didn't care if we partied. She didn't care if we went to school. She did not care. She had never tried to win us over to a righteous way of life. It really did not matter to her at all what we did with our time or our lives as long as she was not inconvenienced.
The only thing she cared about was her reputation. It could never get out what kind of monster she truly was, because she has an unyielding need to appear perfect at all times. This was the source of all her rage when she was angry- we had negatively affected her life or reputation in some way and that must never, ever happen. It's a mental illness; I don't think she is capable of change. It's just how she is.
No amount of "godly submission" or a "sweet spirit" on my part would have ever changed her. I don't think there is a medication that could help, and it is the nature of the illness that she will never seek help. She can't admit to anything less than perfection, or her whole psyche will collapse. The fear that people will find out the truth- that at her core being she is lacking essential human qualities like love and empathy- terrifies the NPD woman. Anger at having that veneer of perfection threatened and fear that she will be exposed are the only emotions NPD sufferers ever honestly experience.
The pain of that day never goes away. I recently found out that neither of my other two sisters ever knew what happened that day! My little sister was told we wanted to go live with my Dad. My older sister was already out of the house so that's what mom told her too. Mom must always look perfect. According to her, she was the victim here as we just up and called our step-dad and LEFT HER! Out of the blue!(insert tears here) I only discovered this lie recently and here's how I found out:
To this day my twin sister will have nothing to do with any church or Christianity as a religion. She is deeply wounded emotionally and has suffered greatly from depression and anxiety her whole adult life. My older sister was being very critical of my twin sister for refusing to go to church. So I shared this story with my older sister to explain WHY my twin wouldn't ever go to any church ever again.
That's when my older sister told me that she never knew! Mom kept it a secret for almost thirty years! Incredible. But it makes perfect NPD sense. My mom wouldn't tell my sister the truth, that she had called the church elders and kicked us out complete with a religious ceremony. My sister knew my mom wasn't exactly a devoted Christian and that the whole thing was a scam. Much better to lie and win my sister's sympathy than tell the truth and be scorned.
This is where it continues to be twisted. Life with an NPD never changes. Mom spent a lot of time fostering mistrust between sisters. My older sister asked my younger sister if she knew about this incident. My younger sister did not, but had also heard that we left mom of our own free will. All those years of maligning my character had the intended effect. Even now my sisters hesitate to believe me.
Happily, my step-dad is still alive and he can verify these events. And my best friend at the time still lives in that city, and she can verify those events as she came over right away to say goodbye and help us pack. My mom gave us until my step-father showed up to gather our things and get out. There are witnesses other than those elders and my twin and myself.
So, does everyone get why the nice winter parka and the good leather boots? It was to "bless us" on the way out the door, her pre-emptive gift to the homeless for the coming winter. As a good friend of mine would say later, mom must have been singing inside, "These boots are made for walking, and that's just what they'll do, one of these days these boots are gonna walk all over you."
I haven't looked at the events of that day for a long time. I post them today in solidarity to every daughter who has been kicked out on the streets under religious pretenses.
I post them today in solidarity to every daughter who has seen her siblings suffer and been helpless to protect them from spiritual and emotional abuse.
I post them today in solidarity to every daughter who has been lied about to her siblings by manipulative parents who want to keep the truth hidden and the exiled daughter a pariah.
I am not a Quiverfull daughter. But I totally empathize with those who are. You have my unflinching support.
Bill Gothard has negativley affected my life....
I started this blog to have a space to write about how patriarchal fundamentalist thought had affected my marriage and resulted in disaster on many levels. The truth is that patriarchal fundamentalist thought had already wreaked havoc on my life before I even met my husband, but that is really a whole different story. I did not intend to write much about my family of origin here, but I will today in solidarity with the Quiverfull Daughter, of whom I am very fond.
I am not a Quiverfull daughter. I am one of four girls raised by my single mother after two failed marriages. Her story is one of abuse and heartache, and it affected her life and personality in very negative ways. My mom is abusive and manipulative and completely self-centered. I am convinced she has Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Since I started relating to her as if that were a true diagnosis, our relationship has improved significantly. (Recommended read: Children of the Self-Absorbed by Nina W. Brown, Ed. D., L.P.C.)
My mom was a staunch feminist, but she was also a great opportunist. She was in and out of different churches all my growing years, depending on her needs and how she thought it could benefit her. She was also in and out of illicit sexual relationships, but of course those two lives never crossed. She was very abusive in private, and managed to keep my siblings and me isolated from one another even though we were all going through the same thing. To those of you who ever lived in such a tangled mess of a family, you understand. To those of you who had a healthier experience of life, I couldn't begin to explain it. Her public church persona, however, was "poor abandoned single mom just trying to live for Jesus".
The summer between seventh and eighth grade was the most violent. I only found out as an adult why the physical abuse suddenly stopped, but the mental/emotional/psychological abuse would never end. It would continue today if I allowed her the access to my heart that real mothers have with their loved daughters.
The biggest spiritual crisis of my life came that summer. I was twelve years old. The honest truth is that I loved the Lord with all my heart. Not because I was raised in a family with daily devotions, but because Jesus loved me and had comforted my heart so many times- through moves and divorces and shamings and beatings and beratings. I loved church when we went, and I spent time every day pouring out my heart to God in prayer. My Bible was underlined and highlighted and I memorized Proverbs not because I had to or was in a competition, but because I wanted my loving Lord's counsel for how to live my life.
At the same time, the abuse was at its peak and I was crushed- angry, depressed and desperate for any kind of love and acceptance I could find. I would tell my mom I was spending the night with fictional friends (she never checked) and then spend the night in the abandoned house across the street just to be away from her. Once when I was hanging out with God at lunch, a group of kids from school found me. Instead of making fun of me, they asked me to join them. They happened to be partiers, so soon I was smoking and drinking if I was invited to join the fun. It felt so good for someone to like me!
That fall, I was forced to go to the Basic Youth Conflict seminar. Even though I drew pictures of KISS all over my notebook, I was listening carefully. I wanted more than any thing to please God and would have loved for my mom to care about me. And Billy G. had all the answers! If only I would submit to my mom in everything, forgive her unconditionally ever time she wronged me, then *presto* *change-o* God would change my mother into a loving mature woman of God. After all, she was my AUTHORITY.
I came home determined to make this work. I worked hard to please my mom, yet never was able to make her happy. I was subservient, and when she began to verbally and/or physically abuse me I tried to keep a "sweet spirit". And I prayed. I prayed harder than I had ever prayed before, that God would make me good enough so that my mom would be free to live for Jesus and stop abusing me/us.
But you know what? My mom didn't change at all. She kept right on treating her children as she had always treated us. And it still hurt just as much as ever. I was still angry at being screamed at for hours, slapped around, and continually insulted and degraded. I just could not be the "sweet submissive child" that Billy G. told me God wanted me to be, even in the midst of abuse. It never occurred to me that Billy G. ws wrong. I thought something was wrong with me.
I thought God wasn't changing my mom because I wasn't sweet enough. I thought God wasn't changing my mom because I was still angry and hurt about being mistreated (such a mild word for such devastating heartache). I thought that the presence of these emotions meant that I had an unforgiving heart, and pray as I did, those feelings just would not go away.
Of course the truth is that Bill Gothard is a dangerous heretic and his teachings are poison, but at that point in my life I thought anyone on a platform was right. It was easy for me to assume the problem was with me. My mom had told me my whole life how stupid, thoughtless, selfish, lazy and utterly hopeless I was.
And so I walked away from Jesus with a broken heart. I remember how deep I sobbed that night, gut-wrenching sobs from the depths of my being. I told Jesus I could not be a Christian, because I was such a hypocrite, and I did not want to blaspheme his name with my abhorrent behavior. I was not good enough to follow Jesus.
So I quit reading my Bible and trying so hard to live a righteous life. I hung out with people who appeared to actually like me, and if we drank and smoke and did drugs, so what? I was a moral failure, an epic fail at godliness. So what did it matter.
Because of my own experience, of loving the Lord with all my heart and yet continually being accused of evil motives and thoughts, I identify with Quiverfull daughters.
Because of my own experience, of never measuring up and yet carrying all the responsibility for the actions of others, I identify with Quiverfull daughters.
Because of my own experience, with those in authority claiming absolute power over our lives in the name of God, I identify with Quiverfull daughters.
My experience began in the seventies, and all that damage came from only ONE weekend seminar. I cannot begin to imagine the pain of having this pounded in your head day after day after day. So, Quiverfull daughters, children of ATI, survivors of fundamentalist cults, you have my loyal sympathy and strong support.
And that was only the beginning of the way Bill Gothard negatively affected my life. It would peak in a perfect storm of spiritual abuse, complete with church elders and symbolic stonings.
I am not a Quiverfull daughter. I am one of four girls raised by my single mother after two failed marriages. Her story is one of abuse and heartache, and it affected her life and personality in very negative ways. My mom is abusive and manipulative and completely self-centered. I am convinced she has Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Since I started relating to her as if that were a true diagnosis, our relationship has improved significantly. (Recommended read: Children of the Self-Absorbed by Nina W. Brown, Ed. D., L.P.C.)
My mom was a staunch feminist, but she was also a great opportunist. She was in and out of different churches all my growing years, depending on her needs and how she thought it could benefit her. She was also in and out of illicit sexual relationships, but of course those two lives never crossed. She was very abusive in private, and managed to keep my siblings and me isolated from one another even though we were all going through the same thing. To those of you who ever lived in such a tangled mess of a family, you understand. To those of you who had a healthier experience of life, I couldn't begin to explain it. Her public church persona, however, was "poor abandoned single mom just trying to live for Jesus".
The summer between seventh and eighth grade was the most violent. I only found out as an adult why the physical abuse suddenly stopped, but the mental/emotional/psychological abuse would never end. It would continue today if I allowed her the access to my heart that real mothers have with their loved daughters.
The biggest spiritual crisis of my life came that summer. I was twelve years old. The honest truth is that I loved the Lord with all my heart. Not because I was raised in a family with daily devotions, but because Jesus loved me and had comforted my heart so many times- through moves and divorces and shamings and beatings and beratings. I loved church when we went, and I spent time every day pouring out my heart to God in prayer. My Bible was underlined and highlighted and I memorized Proverbs not because I had to or was in a competition, but because I wanted my loving Lord's counsel for how to live my life.
At the same time, the abuse was at its peak and I was crushed- angry, depressed and desperate for any kind of love and acceptance I could find. I would tell my mom I was spending the night with fictional friends (she never checked) and then spend the night in the abandoned house across the street just to be away from her. Once when I was hanging out with God at lunch, a group of kids from school found me. Instead of making fun of me, they asked me to join them. They happened to be partiers, so soon I was smoking and drinking if I was invited to join the fun. It felt so good for someone to like me!
That fall, I was forced to go to the Basic Youth Conflict seminar. Even though I drew pictures of KISS all over my notebook, I was listening carefully. I wanted more than any thing to please God and would have loved for my mom to care about me. And Billy G. had all the answers! If only I would submit to my mom in everything, forgive her unconditionally ever time she wronged me, then *presto* *change-o* God would change my mother into a loving mature woman of God. After all, she was my AUTHORITY.
I came home determined to make this work. I worked hard to please my mom, yet never was able to make her happy. I was subservient, and when she began to verbally and/or physically abuse me I tried to keep a "sweet spirit". And I prayed. I prayed harder than I had ever prayed before, that God would make me good enough so that my mom would be free to live for Jesus and stop abusing me/us.
But you know what? My mom didn't change at all. She kept right on treating her children as she had always treated us. And it still hurt just as much as ever. I was still angry at being screamed at for hours, slapped around, and continually insulted and degraded. I just could not be the "sweet submissive child" that Billy G. told me God wanted me to be, even in the midst of abuse. It never occurred to me that Billy G. ws wrong. I thought something was wrong with me.
I thought God wasn't changing my mom because I wasn't sweet enough. I thought God wasn't changing my mom because I was still angry and hurt about being mistreated (such a mild word for such devastating heartache). I thought that the presence of these emotions meant that I had an unforgiving heart, and pray as I did, those feelings just would not go away.
Of course the truth is that Bill Gothard is a dangerous heretic and his teachings are poison, but at that point in my life I thought anyone on a platform was right. It was easy for me to assume the problem was with me. My mom had told me my whole life how stupid, thoughtless, selfish, lazy and utterly hopeless I was.
And so I walked away from Jesus with a broken heart. I remember how deep I sobbed that night, gut-wrenching sobs from the depths of my being. I told Jesus I could not be a Christian, because I was such a hypocrite, and I did not want to blaspheme his name with my abhorrent behavior. I was not good enough to follow Jesus.
So I quit reading my Bible and trying so hard to live a righteous life. I hung out with people who appeared to actually like me, and if we drank and smoke and did drugs, so what? I was a moral failure, an epic fail at godliness. So what did it matter.
Because of my own experience, of loving the Lord with all my heart and yet continually being accused of evil motives and thoughts, I identify with Quiverfull daughters.
Because of my own experience, of never measuring up and yet carrying all the responsibility for the actions of others, I identify with Quiverfull daughters.
Because of my own experience, with those in authority claiming absolute power over our lives in the name of God, I identify with Quiverfull daughters.
My experience began in the seventies, and all that damage came from only ONE weekend seminar. I cannot begin to imagine the pain of having this pounded in your head day after day after day. So, Quiverfull daughters, children of ATI, survivors of fundamentalist cults, you have my loyal sympathy and strong support.
And that was only the beginning of the way Bill Gothard negatively affected my life. It would peak in a perfect storm of spiritual abuse, complete with church elders and symbolic stonings.
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