Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Not again,. Damn it to heck, to heck I say, to heck.

Hubby was an ass again yesterday. >=[ THAT hasn't happened in a while. As you can tell by my icon, I was/am not happy about it.

Also, therapy is dredging up a lot of things I would not rather deal with. I hope they will all eventually be resolved and life will go on better than ever. However remembering what it was like to be a teen myself is very unsettling.

Alternately I am depressed and hopeless, cynical and hard, and angry. I hate being in no-win situations, and I lived in one growing up in my family of origin. As much as I usually avoid them when I recognize them, unfortunately with therapy right now it is looking like I am possibly contributing to the creation of them.

Also the fear is familiar and disgusting. I have actually been panicked about smallish issues as if they were the end of the world should I have a less than perfectly spotless performance.

Not true. God makes a way when there is no way. I know in my heart there is no such thing (other than physical things- I can't live above the laws of physics) that can't be fixed. I need to just chill.

I need a chill pill. Oh yes, do I wish it was that easy: take one pill and all your fear would disappear. Not gonna happen. *sigh*

More later, I gotta go.

No comments:

Post a Comment