Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Things are NOT better

It is pretty scary around here. I am very disheartened.

Let's make a checklist:

Husbands depression/anger are worse.

My therapist who happens to be his therapist has NO understanding that the man is worse or more dangerous.

I don't have a therapist anymore.

My son has started smoking because of the stress of living with a father who is constantly cycling through the honeymoon/tension/explosion stage.

All of us are giving up hope it will ever end.

It is hard to get across what it's like to live with someone who won't accept or return your love. But then, on other times, he does and there is a good reward and you keep trying. But then out of nowhere, the attempts at conversation that ended in smiles and good will one day are met with angry resentment on another.

I need your prayers, friends. The cycles are getting shorter and shorter, and I don't have the help I need to make it through them.


  1. You don't have to explain to me, unfortunately I understand all too well.

    I hate to dwell on this, but... is there a reason you can't leave right now? At least separate for awhile? If you find another therapist and continue to work on things, fine, but at least you'd be out of that toxic environment, and so would your kids.

    I sure don't presume to know all the details or what's best in your situation though. Still praying feverishly for all of you...

  2. Money is the reason, Final. Doesn't it always come down to money? I am working on getting self-supporting.

    I am an adult and I am taking steps to secure an exit at the time that is best for US. I will know what that is when the time comes, if it is we who need to leave and not him. I would rather he leave and who knows? It might work out that way sooner rather than later.

    I really don't need lectured and yelled at in CAPS by stranger on the internet. Life is hard enough for me already.

  3. Lolz, lighter-hearted now. Really? My son smoking is an indication he might snap and murder my husband? That is quite the stretch.

    The other thing that actually makes me laugh is the idea that my husband would dare lay a hand on me if there were even a witness, much less a person able and willing to intervene. You underestimate the cowardliness and self-control of my husband. All abusers are amazingly capable of self-control around witnesses or people who might intervene. No, he won't lay a finger on my while my son is around. It's the emotional/verbal abuse that won't ever go away. For years he had my daughter buying his p.o.v., but now she sees the truth and supports me 100%. No, he may be cruel, but there will be no bloodshed at this address.

    Thanks again for caring, Final. I am looking for the right help and the right kind of help. I will succeed in the end, because that's the kind of person I am. I am just wiped out by this current turn of events.

    I am also suspecting that the unethical therapist has more to do with this than I imagined. You hold buzzers to bring up bad emotions/traumatic memories, deal with them,and then use lights/sounds to reinforce good after. She keeps using buzzers on my husband, and we he doesn't remember anything she just sends him on his way. I think she is stirring up a lot of bad feelings in him and not making sure he is okay when he leaves.

    Too bad there is no way short of a lawsuit to hold her accountable.

  4. Thanks, merry. n_n

    I'm on the hunt for a new therapist. I need lots of support through this. Thanks for offering me your cyberhugs.

  5. SS,

    I will be focusing my prayers for you both on finding the professional support that you each need to navigate through this turmoil. Not a journey to be travelled alone.


  6. I dealt with the money issue also; stayed more than a year than people thought I "should have" but my alternatives were few and far between.

    Hope my "me toos" aren't annoying; just wanting you to know someone identifies with your experience, and that someone made it to the other side intact.

    It's probably hard to tell from that end but you are handling it well. There is a strength and confidence in your "voice" that sounds stronger than ever. You know what to do, and you are doing it. Kids are resilient. We hope we can keep them from going through some of life's struggles, but that's where they find their inner strength also.

    Didn't mean for this to be so long. Prayers and good thoughts coming your way...

  7. Besides the possibility that the therapist is stirring up bad memories without addressing them, I'm also worried about whether the therapist's hostility toward you is affecting her work with him. It really seemed like she was "taking sides" towards the end. I guess I think that you BOTH need new therapists, but what can you do? Praying for you!

  8. Final,

    Your confidence in me is much needed, and your understanding is as well. Thank you so much.

    Last night, we had a family meeting to address these issues and how they are affecting all of us. I am actively looking for a new therapist. My kids want my husband to do that as well, and he agrees.

    When he was doing straight-up positive EMDR, just working through his list of remembered traumas, he was happy. I have the proof here on my blog. It was really working. Hopefully we can find that somewhere else again.