Things are gong pretty well these days. Big thanks to Sandra for sharing with me a link to a book awhile back about doing EMDR at home. That has been really helpful.
So, my husband and I went to see his parents the weekend before last. I was expecting trouble afterwards, because clearly his parents are the source of much of his childhood trauma and seeing them is a huge trigger. The last time we had trouble serious enough to ask him to leave the house for awhile, we had been to see his folks three weeks earlier. The tension had been building over those three weeks, and when everything came to a head I was not surprised.
This time, things are slightly different. We are both in EMDR counseling, but now we are seeing different counselors. Also I am much farther down the road to full financial self-sufficiency. Finally, we have this sweet book that Sandra recommended.
The visit was much better than any previous visit, as my husband was able to talk freely with me about his feelings. This is a huge improvement. In the past, denial and a desire to defend his parents (imho indefensible) actions would pop out of nowhere on these trips. The day before, he would express his own disillusionment with his folks, but once he laid eyes on them, he would make excuses for them and get rather irritated at me for expressing any disapproval of them in any way.
My therapist talked to me about how children feel this responsibility to protect their parents, and this then became a topic of conversation between us before we left on the trip. In this case, forewarned was indeed forearmed. He did not revert to protecting his parents from criticism.
My carpal is acting up or this would be a long post about the actual visit. That will have to wait. Not only does typing hurt my hand, but I have to go back to school in a few minutes. This post will be limited to the after-effects of the visit.
The night after we left, things were going very well when out of nowhere, my husband's attitude toward me changed. This led to me confronting the change, and quickly discovering he was "in his reptile brain". Not good. I offered to do some home EMDR with him and he agreed. Five minutes later he was again his normal self, and very appreciative for the help.
I think it was three or four days later, he got ugly again. I decided to just leave the house and go study at Starbucks. When I got home, he was admitting he was very sad and depressed. We again did some home EMDR. Sunday it happened again, and again a short session of EMDR returned him to a normal mental state.
I don't do childhood issues with him when I do EMDR. He visualizes gathering up all the yuck and locking it away in a vault labelled "nothing comes out except for my healing" and then visualizes a relaxing, happy place. His regular therapist can actually deal with the ycuk itself.
So, things are working out for me pretty well. Except that I just now wondered if I missed my own appointment today? Hmmmm. I'm sure someone will let me know. That would be an expensive brain glitch so I hope I didn't.
Anyway, gots to go. Peace and good will to all who read here, SS