Monday, June 14, 2010

Depression Fallout

Sheffield, Anne. Depression Fallout. HarperCollins Publishers. New York. 2003.

I am grabbing onto everything I can in an effort to save my sanity, along with my hopes and dreams for my life and my marriage. You already know this, but I thought I would share about the latest branch I've grabbed onto. The book is subtitled The Impact of Depression on Couples and What You Can Do to Preserve the Bond.

My husband has been depressed for a long time, possibly his whole life, maybe fifteen years, maybe ten years, clearly the last two years. He was diagnosed last August and started on anti-depressants, but they stopped being effective a while ago. He is seeing a specialist for a possible change of medication/dosage, and he recently started EMDR.

This book outlines five stages of depression fallout, or five stages of affect on the non-depressed partner. First stage, confusion. Check, that would include 1998-2002. Second stage, self-blame. Check, that would cover 2002-2005. Demoralization, 2005-2007. Resentment, stage four. 2008 to the present. Stage five is described as "a longing to be free of the unhappiness and of the person who is its source".

This book is giving me hope. It is truly a great thing that my husband is seeking treatment. It is possible that he may be able to conquer depression and find resolution for all the lies and bad memories that hold his heart hostage.

I think it will take longer than I want it to, but I can hang on if I know for sure there is an end in sight. He seemed pretty happy about his appointment today.

I have ordered some books and a video about missionary boarding schools and problems that others have faced. I will keep the book and I don't know what to do with the video. I'll ask the therapist this week. I get to see her too. =)

I want to be able to disengage from the rotten mean vengeful child persona, without having to permanently disengage my whole heart from the whole man. Would you pray that I can find that place?

Thanks, internet friends. The world feels safer with you in it.


  1. I don't have a lot to offer re: depression - you know my family's similar past and I may have told you that depression also seems to run genetically in both sides of my family. I went through a really, really tough and overwhelming couple of years myself recently where, even though I usually like having a challenging life, it got gradually to the point where I spent a lot of time wishing for a painless, instant death. I never planned anything, I just wished... It's embarrassing talking about this, but the reason I am mentioning it is because the thing that really started turning me around, that I started feeling dramatic results from in a couple of days, was cod liver oil. I know, I know... "yuck, way too simple, and huh?" are probably the reactions. I have recommended it on several websites and maybe even here before, because it worked so well for me. It is one of the foods highest in Vit. A and D, and those are both REALLY necessary for the brain and nervous system, as well as pretty much everything else in the body. Most people do not get nearly enough sun to supply their body's requirements for D and I have read about a gazillion articles on the connection between vitamin D and depression... suffice it to say, one bottle, taken over a couple of months, brought me back to feeling about 6 years younger and hopeful about everything again and able to get things done, thus making my life better and better and making me more and more hopeful.

    I feel like I'm being presumptuous to prescribe cod liver oil for the serious and multiple problems your husband has... It is the "poor best" that I have to offer, so I'll just put it out there, but I am hoping for lots of healing in any way it comes. Perhaps someday you and your family members will decide to try the oil, in which case I hope it works as well as it did for me.


  2. L,

    I receive this gift of information (which is really a precious vulnerable offer of agape love) with much gratitude. Your kindness brings tears to my eyes. And I know that this battle must be fought on many fronts, nutrition included.

    I am stopping by the Health Food store on my way to run errands today! You are not presumptuous, but compassionate. Thank you, sister in Christ!